Defying Destiny: A Leah Clearwater Story
by MsShayB
Summary: Leah Clearwater, the only female werewolf, has found herself constantly dreaming about her high school sweetheart, Sam Uley, who’s preparing to marry her second cousin Emily. How will Leah cope? Who will she turn to for solace? What does the future hold?
1. Chapter 1: Daydreaming

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of Stephenie Meyers. Yeah, she's the chick that wrote Twilight and all the other books. Edward, Bella, and Jacob all belong to her; however, I'll be borrowing Leah for a couple of chapters. I am not associated with the owners, creators, or producers of this franchise; although, I would love to be. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Playlists:**

Disturbia by Rhianna

Broken by Lifehouse

I Used to Love Him by Lauryn Hill

* * *

**Chapter 1: Daydreaming **

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"It feels really nice out today," he whispered, while nibbling gently on my earlobe. I couldn't help but shiver with desire as his arms snaked seductively around my waist.

"Yeah, it is beautiful out. I haven't seen a day like this on the reservation in a long time."

Our fingers slowly, softly intertwined connecting as perfect pieces to a jigsaw puzzle behind my back. How could a man's hands be so soft; yet, so masculine? I leaned into him, rubbing my cheek against his and then down his strong jaw line.

_Yes, this man is definitely Alpha material_, I thought to myself. I delighted in the thought that despite everything we'd been through, he was _my_ alpha. I nestled myself more securely into his warm embrace- placing one soft kiss to his neck before wrapping my arms around his waist. _Am I in heaven? I must be, _I thought, as he rested his chin in my hair. The waves crashed languidly along the shore as his smell enraptured my senses and completely enveloped me in fresh sandalwood and warm caramel.

"Natalie!" he yelled, looking across the opaque shoreline to a small girl dancing lazily across the gray sands. "Stay where we can see you, baby!"

She looked about six years old, maybe younger. Her skin, lightly kissed by the sun, glistened as its sporadic rays bounced off the waters and caressed her little cheeks. She had long, black hair that flowed in a sheet of silk down her back. It was tied back with a bow and she reminded me so much of my mother in the many pictures she'd hung around the house.

"Okay, Daddy, I will!" she sweetly countered.

"Mommy, you should come and play with me." Her soft voice caught me by surprise. _Mommy?_ "We could try to bury daddy in the sand again," she said.

"Let's go honey. It should be fun. Let's see if these tiny arms…" his voice trailed off as he wrapped his warm hands around my wrists "…have the strength to bury _me_ in the sand." I couldn't move. I was bewitched- simply mesmerized- by the young child's beauty. She had called _me_ mommy?

He placed his hand on my chin and slowly turned my face so that it was only inches away from his. I closed my eyes instantly as his breath washed across my skin; sweet and deliciously succulent. "Honey, are you ok?" he asked, sending shivers up my spine as those four words flowed so gently from his lips. I simply could not take my mind off her, the angel that referred to me as mommy.

"She called _me_ mommy?" I could barely speak through the onslaught of my emotions. I closed my eyes even tighter. For so long I had wanted to have a child and now this little angel, this little person had just called mommy.

"Leah, what's wrong?" he asked, and I heard the worry pique in his voice.

"I…I…" stumbling and unable to continue, my heart began to beat triple time in my chest. I turned slowly to meet his gaze. It seemed that everything around me came to a sudden halt when our eyes met. "Sam?"

"…Sam!" I snarled, jumping up from my desk groggily, taking a defensive stance, and spilling the remnants of my Chai Latte all over my paperwork. _How long had I been asleep?_ I hastily turned to see who in the nearby cubicles could have heard my daydreaming escapade, and what all had I said. Maybe two…no, I saw three sets of eyes now peering at me over the wool covered walls that separate our close-knit workstations.

I sighed in embarrassment. "I have to get out of here," I whispered. _Pace yourself. Leah, it's normal. You'll get through this. It'll be ok. _I encouraged myself while snatching a few napkins from the doughnut bag I had left from breakfast to clean up what I could of my wasted latte from the desk.

Once I finished with the mess, I slowly grabbed my purse from my desk drawer, and putting it under my arm, I eased out of my cramped workspace._ Just get to the restroom, _I thought, as I walked expeditiously down the hallway.

_Slow down, they're starting to stare. _My body refused to act in accord with my thoughts_. Just get to the restroom and throw some water on your face. You'll be just fine. No problem._ The voice in the back of my mind spoke to me as it always had. I heard it more frequently now than I did when I was constantly on reservation, but I had little room for its assistance then.

The pack mindset was always a communal cesspool of latent fantasies, and desires. "Safety of the rez and of our people," they'd say was the reasoning behind their tell-all theories.

Did I care whether Kim's new stepsister's tits were hot? How in the hell would her tits be an asset to our cause as protectors? Or even Paul and Rachel's intimate smack down pow-wows? I shuttered at the images that flooded my already dazed mind. How immature and insensitive they had been at times. They knew that I saw and heard everything they did while we were in wolf form, but they never thought to censor themselves for my sake; so, in fair reciprocity, I neglected to censor mine.

I braced myself on the restroom counter, splashing cool water in my face, as I stared into the mirror. _I am beautiful. I am intelligent. _I affirmed to myself as my thoughts again began to shift, becoming more negative than positive. _I am the only female shape-shifter. A forsaken genetic dead-end!_ "Who fucking cares?" I outwardly, and unintentionally, responded to my own reflection in the mirror.

I turned to take a towel from the sensored dispenser. "I hate these damn things," I said, aggressively snatching a paper towel and wiping my face vigorously. It seemed the cool water had not been successful in making me more alert. I was still fatigued. I was still _me_.

"Hey Leah, I've been looking all over for you," Karen spoke with a sense of urgency. "Are you okay? I saw you practically run out of the office." Sometimes this girl could be a true thorn in my ass, but I had to admit that she's loyal.

"Yeah, I'm okay," I replied as I balled my paper towel up and tossed it into the trash can. "Y'see Kobe Bryant has nothing on me," I teased, attempting to make light of the situation. Karen had a way of reading between the lines, and I knew by her sardonic expression that she was on to me.

"You've had another one, haven't you?" she asked and I saw the crease forming between her brows as she attempted to place the palm of her hand on my shoulder.

"Maybe, maybe not. Either way I don't need your pity, Karen. I'm perfectly fine. I haven't been getting much sleep lately. That's all."

I get more than my fair share of pity back on the reservation, which is why I decided to find a job off the rez in the first place.

Karen's look turned annoyed. "Look, I'm just…worried about you Lee-Lee. I mean…you've been falling asleep at your desk a bit much lately," she said, as she stepped closer to me and continued in a whisper. "Listen, Mr. Castillo is beginning to notice."

_Agh! Mr. Castillo!_ "Did he say anything to you about me? And don't lie to me, Karen."

"No. He didn't say anything to me, but I did see the way he looked at you when you sprinted out the office- again." I couldn't help but notice the emphasis she put on the word _again_. I really couldn't afford to lose my job. Not now. Not over senseless daydreams about Sam.

_The Seattle Times_ hadn't been an easy gig to snag. I had to really prove myself. How difficult could answering phones, getting mail, and typing correspondence be? I could read for God's sake. I wondered had my college degree counted at all.

Mr. Castillo, the slave master, as he's known secretly around the office, had to be _my_ superior. I think it's because everyone else refused to work for him.

"Leah, you still love Sam. If you'd just admit it and maybe-" Karen started, but I shook my head adamantly before she could even continue.

"I don't love Sam! I had loved him once upon a time, but not anymore! Why am I even talking about this with you again? We've been through this before, Karen," I said, turning to retrieve my purse from the counter.

I wasn't about to dig up painful memories from my past. Karen and I had been through this too many times already and frankly, I'd expended enough energy trying to convince this girl that I am not in love with Sam Uley anymore. If she wasn't such a good and loyal friend I would've told her to fuck off a long time ago.

"I'm not going to do this again, Karen. Just let it go, why don't you?" I said as I brushed past her and headed towards the exit. "Please, just let it go."

Once I'd reentered the office area stacked full of congested cubicles, I immediately noticed Mr. Frederick Castillo as he leaned against the doorframe to his office. _Oh. My. God! What did he hear? _As I was his assistant, my cubicle sat directly adjacent to his office; therefore, it was impossible to circumvent his constant observation.

He wasn't the typical executive. He was much more fashion forward than the other department heads. He looked dapper today, dressed in a chocolate brown button-down shirt, a mocha Armani blazer, and sleek, dark jeans. His clothes were always tailored to perfectly accentuate his trim and muscular physique.

Mr. Castillo _was_ handsome and looked as if he were in his late-thirties or early-forties. His tawny complexion was flawless. _He'd had to been using moisturizers_, I thought to myself.

His hair was like smooth obsidian that fell to curl slightly below his earlobes. I had noticed –on many occasions- how he'd sweep it behind his right ear when he was stressed. His deep-set chestnut eyes, and pronounced cheek-bones screamed of his Latin ancestry. If it weren't for his last name, I'd swear he was Antonio Banderas' twin brother.

"Ah hum, Ms. Clearwater," he called with apparent agitation in his voice. "Can I speak with you for a moment please?"

The look in his eyes appeared as though I needed to pack my shit in the little box I kept under my desk for special moments like this. After all, he had been the third department head that I'd worked for during the four years I'd been here. It was a wonder that I hadn't been fired after the verbal altercation between myself and the director of News Media. To my dismay, it was even rumored that Mr. Castillo had personally requested that I'd be transferred to his department.

My temper had the tendency to consume me at times. If it weren't for the yoga and meditation classes that I had promised Jacob I would take- when I'd joined his shitty little pack- the wolf would've been out of the bag a long time ago. It most certainly wasn't my fault that people couldn't seem to handle my _assertive_ personality. I'm a strong and very competitive woman.

Well, at least I had been- until recently. As the years turned into months, and the months into weeks, my resolve began to weaken in the face of Emily's impending wedding. I wish that they'd married years ago – as they had originally intended - when my wounds were fresh. Instead, they'd decided to wait, save money, and have Emily's facial features repaired; inadvertently, causing the gaping holes in my chest to again fester with the betrayal I'd harbored over their union. _What is wrong with me?_ _I should be over this. It's been almost eight years now_.

"Um. Yes, Sir."-fumbling carelessly through the papers on my desk-" Let me just grab my notepad," I said, attempting to give myself enough time to say a little prayer at my desk before I entered the corner office that I often referred to as Hell.

"Ms. Clearwater, you won't have a need for your notepad. I would just like to speak with you briefly in my office."

_Damn. I'm definitely getting fired this time. I've worked too hard to get to where I am- only to be brought down because Sam insists on haunting me in my dreams_. I clenched my teeth and took a deep breath as I turned and watched him walk back into his office. The man was as bad as an ingrown toenail, a definite pain in my ass, and hard to get rid of. Yes, he was insanely gorgeous, but he could be a micro-managing bastard at times. I'd often wondered had he requested me as his assistant because he knew that I could handle his hyper-critical bullshit; that my skin was thick enough to not go running for the hills after one of his coldhearted critiques.

"Yes, sir," I replied while dragging my feet to his office wondering what I'd say to him. _Yes Sir, I often dream about my ex-boyfriend during working hours. No Sir, he fell in love with my second cousin when she came to visit me one weekend. _I could feel the acid begin to boil in the pit of my stomach._ Yes Sir, I can handle being the bridesmaid in a wedding, where I should actually be the bride. No Sir, I'm okay, can't you tell dammit!_

"Please, have a seat, Ms. Clearwater," he said, gesturing to the plush, leather chair in front of his beautiful desk. As I nervously sat down, I couldn't help but notice that he didn't have a wife and kids displayed in any of the many photos on his desk. Our relationship didn't extend beyond our professional quarrels, but I had always assumed he had a wife or a girlfriend at the least. _I wonder if he's gay_, I thought as my eyes appreciatively scanned around his lavish office, noting the way the chrome and mahogany accented furniture complimented each other. However, it was the wall of glass behind his desk that really drew my attention. He had a breathtaking view of Lake Union and the Seattle skyline.

"Ms. Clearwater," he began hesitantly.

"No, please…call me Leah," I blurted out in a nervous anticipation that radiated from the core of my being. Obviously sensing my anxiety, he immediately averted his eyes to a post-it, which he began folding with his right hand. I felt a twinge of humiliation wash over me. "Or…Ms. Clearwater, it doesn't matter." I found myself rescinding my invitation of informality as quickly as it was given.

"Leah. Okay, Leah," he began with a nod and chuckle; he attempted to disguise it as a cough as he straightened himself in his chair.

_Great! Not only does this man think I'm crazy, but I've just given him a reason to add _high-strung_ to his list- if he's compiling one. _

"Leah, I am concerned about you," he continued and I was determined to keep my mouth shut to avoid appearing any more foolish. "I have noticed that you've…" looking up to meet my gaze "…seemed to be exhausted for the past two or three weeks. We pride ourselves in providing a healthy work environment," he said, again returning to his now crumbled, yellow post-it. "I thought it best that you take a three-day personal leave of absence."

_Just nod, Leah. Give him a sign that you haven't completely lost it_, I thought to myself after several moments of silence and then nodded in accordance wide-eyed.

"Ms. Clearwater? Leah, are you okay?" he asked and I looked at him, immediately shaking myself from my lethargy to answer him.

"Yes, sir. I'm okay. I'm fine. I don't need a ...leave of any sort," I replied and found it difficult to look him directly in the eyes. He had evidently witnessed my fruitless reveries.

"Three days," he insisted as he walked around to sit on the desk directly in front of me. I had no need for my preternatural abilities in order to recognize how good he smelled. _Sexy and smells good._

"It's only three days, Leah. Look at it as an extended weekend to enjoy yourself in whichever way you deem," he paused as his eyes perused my body, "pleasurable."

"Umm..." I was stunned, and unable to articulate my next sentence as he placed one smooth thick finger to my lips effectively shushing me.

"Your position here is safe, Leah. Trust me."

I forced myself to fight back my natural libidinous desires as I gently grabbed his finger and removed it from my face. _Did this man, really, just touch my lips?_ I thought to myself unable to stop the little flutters that began to form in my achingly deprived core. It's been an extremely long time since I've been with anyone other than Sam. However, his actions were inconceivable. _Did I miss a memo? Are we able to touch each others' lips now?_

He slowly reached down and took my hands in his, bringing me so close to himself that I felt the gentle breeze of his breath swish across my forehead.

"Don't worry about it. You're a dedicated worker…with great potential," he continued as he gently caressed my shoulders turning to escort me to his office door.

I couldn't decipher exactly how I felt. My mind and my body were at war. My sexually impoverished body wanted him-wanted it-but my mind really wanted to kick his ass. _This has got to be an 8.0 of the Sexual Harassment Richter Scale._ _Should I be thankful that he decided to allow me to keep my job? Or should I be offended by his attempts to seduce me, which were working like a charm?_

"In fact," he continued, "how about we make it four days? Finish your work for today, and your leave will be effective as of tomorrow."

I couldn't think straight. This encounter was completely surreal. What could I have possibly done to deserve this treatment? Mr. Castillo and I were constantly in disagreement.

"Thank you, Mr. Castillo. I really appreciate the gesture, but there's no way I can afford to miss three, let alone, four days of work," I said, remembering my little house back on the reservation. I had decorative plans in the works and I couldn't be hindered. "As much as I would love to take you up on your offer, I really need the money."

Nonchalantly retrieving a small phone from the liner of his blazer, Mr. Castillo began typing a text and as his fingers tapped so gracefully over the key pad. I couldn't help but wonder what those fingers would feel like tapping on me.

"Okay. Miss Clearwater," he said and closed the phone with an audible snap as he extended his hand to shake mine. "I've contacted my payroll liaison and informed them that I have authorized a four-day leave with pay for you. So, I believe you're set now," he said giving me a wink. "So enjoy you're extended weekend, and please do get some rest. I expect you back here bright and early Monday morning- fully alert."

All I could muster was a nod of my head in agreement, and acceptance of his generous offer. _I hope he's not expecting something in return for this_, I thought, turning to walk back to my cubicle.

"And if you don't mind me saying Miss Clearwater…I'm sorry. Leah," he paused not yet releasing my hand. "…whoever this 'Sam' fellow is…believe me, he doesn't deserve you."

* * *

Thanks for taking the time to read my first fanfic! Please review and leave thoughtfully constructive critcism and/or comments.

** A very special thanks goes out to my rocking beta cfmom. I love ya, Mama Hen! A super shot-out to KariAnn and all my fellow DHGs for your support! You ladies ROCK!


	2. Chapter 2: Long Ride Home

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of Stephenie Meyers. Yeah, she's the chick that wrote Twilight and all the other books. Edward, Bella, and Jacob all belong to her. I am not associated with the owners, creators, or producers of this franchise; however, I would love to be. No copyright infringement is intended.

All chapters are in Leah's POV. Post- Breaking Dawn.

Author's Notes: This Chapter contains a flashback scene of Leah's initial transformation into wolf form. I would like to give a super-duper special thanks to cfmom, my awesome beta, who never fails to cover my rough drafts with my favorite color –red. I wouldn't have been able to do this without you. I love ya, Mama Hen! To all my readers, thanks for taking the time out to read my little story about the chick named Leah. I really hope that you enjoy it!

**Playlist:**

Reminisce- Mary J. Blige

Hot in Here- Nelly

Man-eater- Hall & Oates

Big Girls Don't Cry- Fergie

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**Chapter 2: The Long Trip Home**

_********_

"_Leah…whoever this 'Sam' fellow is…believe me, he doesn't deserve you_."

Mr. Castillo's words repeated like a broken record in the back of my head. _Maybe Sam didn't deserve me. Maybe Sam had missed the one good thing in his life._ However, that didn't change the fact that there was still a corner of my broken heart that longed for him. That longed to be touched by him. That missed him calling me Lee-lee. He had given me that nickname after our first kiss and as painful of a reminder the name could be at times, it was as much a part of me as the surname Clearwater.

I stood at the entrance to my little cluttered workspace and stared absentmindedly at the mess that I would have to clean up before I left for the day. I plopped back into my chair, inhaling a deep breath, and buried my head onto my forearms and laid on the keyboard of my computer. The sound of the erred key stokes filled my work area as my forearms pressed down firmly against them; however, the sound was more soothing to me than the idea of heading home early.

"So, what happened in there?" Karen asked, startling me as she stepped into my cubicle and handed me a stack of manila file folders.

"What's this?" I asked, looking at the stack of folders.

"My cover," she whispered as she looked around the office. "I was on my way to the file room when I saw you and Mr. Castillo standing in his office door and I needed a reason to come over here. So…what happened?" she urged, pushing my paperwork aside to take a seat on my desk.

"He said that he's noticed that I've been exhausted and gave me a personal leave of absence. That's all," I said, handing the manila folders back. _I really wish she'd find some real work to do rather than being an investigator into my personal affairs_, I thought as I straightened myself and began to clear off my desk.

"Come on! I know that that's not all he said, Lee-Lee," she countered, placing the folders beside her on the desk. "He looked like he was asking you out to dinner or something," she said, trying to mask her laughter by covering her mouth with her hand.

"No, Jackass. He wasn't asking me to dinner. And since you insist on calling me Lee-lee, could you at least not call me that in public?" I said.

It bothered me that she felt so free to call me by my nickname and to address me in such an informal manner, in this very formal setting, was inappropriate. Unfortunately, Karen had learned my nickname during one of my mother's visits to the condo that we shared in Seattle, which was a superfluous Freudian slip on my mom's part. Karen felt that the name was amusing and began to call me that, despite my wishes that she wouldn't, because it displayed my _softer_ side. _Who needs a soft side in such a male dominant world?_

"Now, can I please finish my work? I really need to get these ad layouts back to the editor before I leave in a few minutes."

"In a few minutes? You're leaving? How?" she asked, jumping off the desk and attempting to grab the manila folders before they fell to the floor. "We carpooled!"

"Yes, ma'am, I'm leaving. My little personal leave begins as soon as I can get these revisions back over to the editor."

"Well, hang around here and wait for me. You know that they've just opened that knew gym across the street. Go workout. Check out some cute guys as they workout. Something," she insisted. "C'mon, Leah. Wait for me?"

The tribal council had provided me with an old beat-up little house off River Road, given that I'd do all the necessary work to make habitable. However, once I had accepted the position at the Seattle Times, I realized that there was no way I would have been able to commute six hours each day back and forth to work. Karen graciously asked me to room with her in the spacious condo her parent's purchased for her after graduation. I'd accepted not only because it was closer to the office, but it also gave me a nice break from the reservation. I'd spend my weeks in the city and my weekends on the rez fixing up my little home.

"Thanks Karen, but I want to get out of here. Do you realize how embarrassing it is to talk in your sleep; especially at work? Mr. Castillo heard me," I said, looking over my shoulder at his office door. "Plus, I'm going back to the rez today and I really wouldn't mind taking the train. They've started preparing for the Potlatch Ceremony, so I wouldn't mind taking the long trip home and missing a bit of the action."

_Actually, I wouldn't mind missing it all together, _I thought asI turned, staring blankly at the computer monitor. Everyone on the reservation would be there. Paul and Rachel, Jared and Kim, Jacob and his half-breed, Collin, Brady, and their imprints; even Quil – the super nanny - and his 10 year-old imprint Claire would be there."

_Who would want to be around all that type of love?_ It could really be sickening at times; especially, when you and your little brother are the only ones without an imprint. _Maybe there's something in the Clearwater gene pool that prevents us from imprinting._

"Why? That sounds cool. I've never been to an Indie Potluck," she said.

"Potlatch, Karen. It's a Potlatch Ceremony," I said annoyingly. Her enthusiasm over minute things could be nauseating at times. _How could someone be so happy _all_ the time? _"It's the way we celebrate our ancestors and different rites of passage, like Emily and Sam's engagement."

It felt like acid was boiling in my stomach; a completely saturated mixture of pain and jealousy. It took me years to come to terms with the idea that the love of my life would be marrying my cousin. The cousin I had introduced him to.

_I should have made her stay home that weekend_, I thought as I placed the pens that I had scattered during my rude awakening back into the Mickey Mouse cup on my desk. The Tribal School had taken a field trip, years ago, to a carnival in Port Angeles and Sam had won that cup for me. _He was my Sam then_.

"Potlatch, Potluck, who cares? I'd even bring a dish if there's going to be cute guys, and you know I don't cook," she said jokingly, effectively yanking me from my thoughts of Sam.

"Well, Karen. You're more than welcome to attend." I said. _However, it would be just my luck that she'd come and my leech-lover of a brother would imprint on her._ "However, I doubt that you'd find any of the guys there attractive."

"It's worth a try, right?" She was immediately excited by the invitation. "My one true love may turn out to be Indie," she said, turning and placing her hands over her chest, as she sashayed down the walkway to her cubicle.

"Right," I countered with a snort.

I had never invited Karen to the reservation before. She'd asked plenty of times, but I knew that she wouldn't find my hometown as exciting as hers.

Karen Dodson was the only child, and sole heir, to Phat Daddy Incorporated.; a small music distribution company in Southern California. She was raised in a very affluent neighborhood, and while we were in college, she'd been known for comparing every place and everything to what she'd had back home.

Once my workstation was cleaned, and the ads were submitted to the editor, I made my way to Karen's cubicle.

"Hey, I'm leaving, okay?" I told Karen, as I tapped lightly on the outside of her workstation. _The girl doesn't waste any time_, I thought as I stepped in to see the new male intern from accounting leaning against her desk.

"Okay, Lee-lee. I mean, Leah," she said as she stood to give me the tightest goodbye hug. "Call me if you need me, okay?"

"I will. Thanks," I said, hugging her back before I turned to head for the elevator.

Her words- _call me, if you need me_- reminded me of one night during college when I'd fallen asleep in her dorm room; we'd been studying for a marketing exam. I'd had the worst dream about Sam, and I had woken up in a cold sweat thoroughly shaken.

Karen was surprisingly attentive to my needs that night. She'd sat and actively listened to me - once I was able to speak. I'd ranted to her about my unrequited love for Sam, and the jealousy and hurt I'd harbored over the relationship my cousin had developed with him. She listened, and never interrupted me. I'd assumed that she had her own share of heartache when I saw my hurt slowly seep into her eyes as she possibly reflected on her own painful experiences with love and loss. However, as I vented my dusty attic of emotions, she'd never said word, but only held me as a mother holds a wounded child.

_She's a good friend, intensely annoying at times, but a really good friend_, I thought, reassuring myself as to why I kept her around in the first place.

I made my way to the elevator and quietly rode it down into the lobby. The damp air tickled my nose as I stepped out of the lobby door and took a deep breath. As good as it felt to get off of work early, I wasn't quite ready to go home yet and face everyone. People wondering if I was all right constantly assaulted me. I was tired of always saying, "I'm fine" to people that weren't in on the secret of imprinting. Sam and I had once been the picture of a perfect couple. It was easy to understand how outsiders couldn't grasp why I had - seemingly overnight - changed my plans from planning to marry Sam myself to watching him marry my cousin. But their sympathy to my situation didn't make things any easier on me. I _was_ in on the secret of our tribe, and even I had trouble reconciling what had happened.

Today, I had the time to actually absorb the richness of my surroundings. Downtown Seattle was a beautiful place. It would never compare to the beauty of my home on the reservation, but I could appreciate it all the same. The trees swayed as the breeze blew through their leaves, and it was as if they seemed to wave to the sky in delight. Even the smell of the sodden grass that lined the sidewalk in front of the bus stop all seemed new to me today.

As I boarded the King County Route 30 bus, headed for Port Angeles, I'd found myself regretting that I'd turned down Karen's offer to drive me home. I suddenly remembered why I detested public transportation. The crowded buses and the number of people that would bump into you always annoyed to me.

_I should have waited and rode home with Karen_, I thought as the transient gentleman that sat next to me seemed unable to keep his head off of my shoulder while he slept. _You can do this_, I encouraged myself; praying that the cilia, which lined my nasal cavity, would regenerate after enduring such torture from the man's horrific body odor.

"Port Angeles, Clallam County Transit Center! Connections to Forks and the Quileute Reservation… next stop," the conductor called.

I moved the gentleman off my shoulder and stood up, preparing to exit the rear door of the bus. The station was jam-packed with people. _My next scheduled bus isn't due to arrive for another thirty minutes_, I thought as I looked at my watch, realizing that I hadn't eaten lunch yet.

I didn't want to walk too far, as I was afraid that I would miss my second bus. I came across a small deli. It was very quaint with its rustic colored palate. There were two small tables outside, which were occupied by two elderly men that were conversing over a friendly game of chess.

"What can I get for you?" the cashier asked as I walked to the counter, scanning the menu for something that was to my liking.

"Can I have the Caesar wrap, easy on the dressing, and a bottled water please?"

"Sure. Will that be all for you?"

"Yes, thank you," I replied, reaching into my bag to retrieve my wallet. _Where's my wallet? I know I put it in here_, I thought as I began to retrace my steps. _I cleaned off my desk. I said goodbye to Karen. I paid my bus fare, and…_

_The transient! The sleeping bastard stole my wallet! _

"Oh, no! I'm so sorry. I think that the man on the bus stole my wallet," I told the cashier as I frantically began to empty items from my bag onto the counter. "I'm sorry. I know I have some money in here. Please…just give me a second."

"Can you add a green tea with lemon and a BLT on sourdough to that? Can I also have that to go please?" a gentleman said, stepping up to the counter, as he turned to look at me. "Don't worry about it, sweetie. I've got it."

"No thank you. _I've_ got it," I said, looking for loose change in the bottom of my bag. "I have some change down in the bottom of my bag. I can take care of it."

"Don't worry about it," he insisted as he handed the cashier a twenty dollar bill. "I know how it feels to have your wallet stolen."

"But he was asleep. At least, I thought he was asleep."

"Here's your order, sweetie," he said with a smile as he handed me my order.

"Leah. My name's Leah not sweetie."

"Well, excuse me _Leah_," he countered. "You're welcome and why don't you try to be a little more careful next time," he continued as he exited the deli. My eyes grudgingly followed him to the white Pontiac Grand Am that was parked directly outside the deli and I couldn't help but to notice the Navajo insignia hanging from his rearview window. _Sarcastic prick!_

_I don't remember asking him to pay for my food anyway_, I thought, setting down my lunch to put my items that were on the counter back into my bag. I thanked the cashier and headed back to my bus stop to wait.

Once I got back to the station, I found an empty bench and sat down to eat my lunch while I waited for the bus. Just as I finished the last few bites of my salad wrap, the bus pulled into the station. Luckily, I had placed the transfer from the first bus into my jacket pocket or I'd be stuck with no means to get back home.

The bus wasn't as crowded as the first bus I'd ridden first. _Thank God_. I found a seat, which provided an awesome view of the coastline. As I placed my bag snuggly between the window and my hip to settle in for the second half of my trip back home, my eyelids became heavier with each breath. I was completely exhausted as Mr. Castillo had pointed out earlier. _There was no use in fighting it_, I thought, clutching my bag securely to my side. I laid my head against the window, and seconds after my eyes closed again I began to dream.

*******

Seth had been sick for a couple of days. My mom and I made sure that he was drinking plenty fluids and that there was enough to eat stored in the kitchen, but things were strange. Dad refused to allow me into Seth's room while he was sick.

"It's very contagious, Lee-lee. I really wouldn't want you to catch what he has," my dad would say anytime I asked to be allowed to see Seth even for a moment. However, I had to admit that perhaps my parents knew what was best because I had began to feel a little sick as well.

_Maybe stopping the birth control pills is what's making me sick? _I thought. Small beads of sweat formed along my hairline. It'd been almost two months since my last menstrual cycle; however, I couldn't have been pregnant. I hadn't had sex with anyone since Sam and I had broken up. _Maybe the stressful break-up is making me pre-menopausal_, I joked inwardly.

I walked in from my night class, hoping to see my baby brother sitting in front of the television as he generally would be, but he wasn't there. I paused in the living room, and heard the thrashing sound of glass breaking echoing from Seth's room. It was the eighth day that my dad had kept my brother quarantined in his room. _What could possibly be so wrong with Seth that he couldn't come out of his room for a whole week?_

The mystery and suspense of this unknown illness was killing me. Seth definitely wasn't bed-ridden. I could hear him banging things against the walls and shouting profanities at my father as I had many nights before. I began to feel his fury- an almost uncontrollable rage - snowballing in the bottom of my stomach.

"Mom, why don't you do something?" I asked, setting my bag on the table as she prepared dinner. "Why is dad making Seth stay in his room like this? He obviously wants to come out. I mean, listen to him."

"That's between Seth and your father, baby," she said as she reached into the fridge. "It's best that we leave this to them. Sweetie, you don't look well yourself," she said, setting the bottle on the counter.

She touched my head with her hand, reflexively drawing it back and placing it on her chest. "Sweetie, you're hot. I think that you have a fever," she said, as a look of unease washed across her very feminine facial features.

"Mom, I'm fine," I told her. "Leave what to them?" I continued just as my father rushed out of Seth's room to answer the front door.

It was Sam, Jacob, Jared, and Paul.

"Thanks for coming by guys," my dad greeted them, leading the way to Seth's bedroom door. "He's not listening to me, anymore. Maybe you guys can explain it to him so that he can understand what's happening."

"What?" I exclaimed as I walked into the living room - infuriated. "This is bullshit, Dad!"

"Watch your mouth young lady," my mom admonished, following right behind me. "Don't you dear speak to your father like that!"

"Dad…what the hell?" I began, running to block them from entering Seth's bedroom. "Dad, are you telling me that they're allowed to see my_ sick_ little brother, but I'm not?"

I became possessed with an irrepressible rage, as a pin pricking sensation began to penetrate every inch of my skin.

"Leah, this has nothing to do with you seeing Seth, baby girl," he said softly, seeing my hurt beyond the anger I displayed. "You'll see him soon enough. He just needs to speak to Sam, sweetie."

"Seth doesn't want to speak to Sam, Dad," I said as I grabbed the door knob, refusing to give up so easily. "He wants to come out of this damn room, that's what he wants."

"Lee-lee…" Sam began, stepping from behind my dad to reach for me.

"Don't you even think about laying one fucking finger on me, Sam Uley," I retorted.

"Leah, can I please talk to you?" Sam continued, pleading with his eyes.

"We've done enough talking, Sam. I have nothing else to say to you," I said as I turned back to my father. "No one is going into this damn room until someone tells me what's going on," I continued. There was a sudden bump against the door with so much force that it'd almost knocked me to the floor.

"Come on you two, cut it out." Jacob interrupted, urging me to comply. "Leah, we need to speak to Seth."

"Sue, please?" my dad beseeched my mother. The past week had taken a lot out of him. The wear and tear of Seth's ordeal was evident on his face. "Please, come and get Leah. I don't want the guys to be forced to physically remove her from the door."

"C'mon, Leah," my mom pleaded. "Your dad knows what he's doing. Let Sam and the boys in to speak with Seth."

The room became a furnace - ablaze with my fury. I felt the scorching heat of rage filter through my connective tissue and ligaments, spurting into the marrow of my bones like molten lava.

"You're fucking kidding me, right?" I asked, looking back and forth between my parents, unable to censor my profanities in the heat of the moment. The room suddenly glazed over with a strange red tint.

"Fine, Dad!" I said, raising my hands in surrender. "Have it your way! I'm out of here!"

"Leah, please?" my mother began as I walked across the living. "Harry, get her. She doesn't look well herself."

I stalked out of the front door, slamming it behind me, as the anger rippled through my body like shock waves. I weakened at the thought of how my parents had turned on me so quickly for Sam and his friends. I clenched my fists tightly around the porch railing as I tried to steady myself. Of all people, they had to side with Sam. My stomach began to churn and the night air around me seemed to heat up immensely, as droplets of sweat ran profusely down my face and the back of my neck.

I had never been angrier in my life than I was in that moment. _What's wrong with me?_ I wondered, raising my hands to look at them under the dim porch lamp. They were trembling uncontrollably._ A panic attack? I must be having panic attack_, I thought. A sudden jolt of pain rushed through my abdomen, causing me to bow over in agony as the contents of my stomach spilled on to my mother's favorite rocking chair.

I was in shock; completely horrified. The pain increased with every step I made back to the front door. The heat became unbearable, as another tear-wrenching jolt of pain shot down my spine.

"Something's wrong with me," I screamed as I fell to the floor of the porch. "Mama!"

More pain accompanied by the sound of bones snapping and flesh tearing filled the air around me as I lay in front of the door writhing in excruciating pain.

My father was the first to appear in the doorway. "No," he yelled, pausing as he grabbed at his chest. "It can't be. This is impossible."

"Leah, baby, what's wrong?" my mom said as she tried desperately to get to me. "Harry, don't just stand there. Do something!"

My father was frozen in the doorway and his face took on the palest hue that I'd ever seen his copper-toned skin acquire. "It's impossible," he said again, shaking his head, as he backed against the wood siding and slid down into a seated position in the doorway.

"Paul. You and Jacob help Harry and Sue into the house. I'll get Leah," Sam instructed the others as my mother looked on helpless. "Jared, go and remove anything that she'd be able throw or break from her room."

Sam leaned down and cupped my face in his palm. He stared at me, for a moment, with the same look upon his face as he'd had when he'd broken my heart.

"Don't you touch me, Sam," I yelped; my speech garbled by the intensity of my pain. "Get your fucking hands off me."

The agonizing pain surged through my entire body once more and I bellowed unable to conceal my torment.

"I'm just trying to help you, Leah," Sam insisted as he picked me up and cradled me securely to his bare chest; my body seized and contorted in his arms. "Please, Leah. Just let us help you."

"Sam, what's wrong with her?" Jared asked hysterically.

"What do you think, man? She's phasing!" he yelled. "Now go and do what I asked you to do." Sam's voice took on a new timbre, very authoritative in nature, and Jared responded immediately. I felt humbled at his words as well.

"No, no, no," my dad yelled from the living room as Sam carried me down the hallway to my room. "It can't be," his voice trailed off followed by a loud thud, which resonated from the living room like a sack of potatoes crashing to the floor.

"It hurts. It hurts so bad," I said as Sam laid me on the bed. My skin felt as though it had been sliced over and over by a dirty box cutter, as it touched the fabric of my comforter.

"I know, Lee-lee. I'm so sorry," Sam said, moving strands of sweat-drenched hair from my face.

It all happened in a second, but it had been the longest of my life. I felt my body explode, and a deafening growl bellowed from my throat, shattering the two small windows in my bedroom.

"Go secure Seth's room," Sam instructed Jared. I saw Jared sprint from the room, as Sam slowly backed up against my closet door.

_Leah?_

I heard someone call my name, but I never saw Sam's lips move. I shook my head in confusion. _I'm losing my damn mind!_

_Leah, is that you?_ The voice called to me, but again it didn't appear to be Sam. I took a step forward to see if it was, in fact, Sam. He respectively took an instinctive step back.

_No, Leah! Don't move. You might hurt him. _

_I might hurt him?_ I thought, suddenly aware that I had taken on a new form. _Fur? Paws? No. This is just a bad dream. _

_This isn't a dream, Leah. _

I looked at Sam once more, seeing the emotions of both fight and flight flicker across his face, I knelt down and placed my muzzle on my front paws.

It was Seth; my little brother. At that realization, my mind was flooded with images from Seth and of his bedroom. The multi-colored quilt that grandma Clearwater made for him when he was five years old was thrown across his bed. A shattered mirror hung lop-sided over his chest-of-drawers; torn posters and his crystal chess set, from his last birthday, were strewn all over the floor.

_Seth, what's going on? What's wrong with me? What am I?_

_The legend, Leah… It was all true._

_What legend, Seth?_

_The legend the Elders told us at the bonfires. I guess we really are descendants of werewolves._

_No!_ I stood on all fours, bumping my head against the ceiling. _It can't be!_

_Yes, Lee-lee! We have to calm down or we'll never change back. It's hard, Lee-lee. I can't make it stop. _

_Are you trying to tell me that we are… that I am...I'm a monster?_

*******

Ding! Ding! "Last stop…Puyallup Sounder Station. Walking distance to the Quileute Reservation, First Beach, and connections to James Island" the conductor called, as the bus pulled into the empty station.

I woke to the buzzing sound of the loud speaker over head. I grabbed my bag and headed for the exit. The trip seemed shorter this time than it had in the past. _Great. Any other time, the trip would've felt much longer than it did today._

I threw my bag on my shoulder and started my walk down River Road to the reservation. The walk was refreshing and gave me time to center myself before being required to participate in the festive preparations inundated with conversations of how perfectly in love Sam and Emily were.

As I walked by the Tribal School, I noticed there were children painting tribal masks. Young boys were running with flags and fabrics that had been given to them by their teachers. As I continued to walk down the gravel road, I saw a small group of elderly women quilting a wooing blanket for the bride-to-be that they had planned to give Emily during the ceremony. I'd walked past my little cottage home that had been given me by the tribal council and headed straight down to First Beach. As I approached, I could see Seth and a group of other guys practicing a folk dance that they were expected to perform at the Potlatch ceremony.

Although, I constantly gave my little brother hell growing up, I didn't think that I would've been able to endure the break-up with Sam or my wolf transformation without him. He was a rock, not only for me, but also for my mother after my father's sudden death. A death that, despite what everyone thought, I believed was my fault. He had already endured a great deal of trauma when Seth phased; the shock of my phasing added an additional burden to his already overtaxed body. His heart just couldn't take it.

I found a seat on a piece of driftwood and decided to hang around and watch them practice before I headed to my mom's house. There were ten guys, including Seth. However, two of them I didn't recognize. _Maybe they're Makah? Of course, Emily would invite the neighboring tribes to participate in the_ festivities. _I refuse to lock myself away in the house like some scared cat. How bad could this be?_ I thought. _Okay, yeah…this may turn out to be worst than I thought._ I saw Jacob and his bloodsucker as they approached and greeted Seth and the others.

"Well, if it isn't the Most High Alpha and his leech," I said as Jacob and Nessie walked up to greet me.

"Will you ever change, Leah?" Jacob asked as he pushed me aside to sit next me. He pulled Nessie between his legs and cupped her disgustingly iridescent thighs. "It's a wonder that people even attempt to speak to you every day."

"Well, the leech…" I began.

"Dammit, Leah!" he interrupted, as he nudged me, knocking me off the log. "Give it a break!"

"Shit, Jacob! Vamp girl knows I'm joking with her," I said, standing to dust the sand off my pants.

_At least she should know; she almost ended up being my niece._ _Thank God, old Charlie boy was set in his ways, _I thought, remembering how her grandfather Charlie and my mother dated for a while after my father died. However, my mother refused to leave the reservation and instead assumed my father's place on the council; Charlie refused to leave the police force and move to the reservation. _It had to be divine intervention at its best! _

"Jake, it's okay," Nessie added, her brows furrowed, as she placed a hand on his chest staring me directly in the eyes. "I'll go. Aunt Alice is with Emily looking at floral arrangements for _her_ wedding. I'll see if they need my help."

_You bitch!_

"Sure, sure babe," Jake said as she leaned down and began to kiss him passionately, weaving her fingers into his hair.

"Ah hum," I said, attempting to break them from their very common display of affection. "There's a place with four walls that I believe would be perfect for such an activity. I mean…really! I would really like to keep my lunch down," I continued and turned my head.

They continued for several minutes as if they hadn't heard me at all. I felt the sting of jealousy began to pierce through my chest, attempting to rob me of my air supply. Although I sometimes felt that the whole imprinting thing was fictitious, I couldn't deny that what Jake and Nessie had was in fact true love. I'd seen it plenty of times in their eyes. The intensity of their emotions for each other would illuminate their eyes as if they were seeing each other for the first time.

It was completely unbearable at times. How I longed to have experienced that with someone. I thought that I'd had that with Sam. I did have that with Sam…ages ago.

"Hey," Jake said, finally pulling himself away from Nessie, and smacking me on my back. "So…" he trailed off.

"What?" I asked even though I had a feeling where the conversation was headed. I wasn't sure if I was ready to address it.

"So, how are you holding up? I mean…I know this must be hard for you."

"Please, Jake. You were the last person I was expecting this from. I'm fine. I've been fine with this whole thing for a long time now."

"But how are you holding up, for real, Leah?" he paused and looked at me. "I thought that we were able to talk to each other," he said, cocking his head to the side.

He was right. Jake and I had become quite close over the years. I had been the one to console him when he was struggling with the idea of his precious Bella married and giving birth to his little leecher. I'd been the one to encourage him. I'd been the one to tell him that it would get easier with time; that the pains of watching the one you love live their life with someone else would eventually fade.

"I'm holding on," I said, pushing a loose strain of my hair behind my ear. "I can't lie and say that it's been a piece of cake, Jake. I mean…I really don't have to tell _you_ how it feels. Do I?"

"No you don't, but you're strong, Leah. You'll make it through this," he said, leaning over to nudge me on the shoulder. "Plus, if you'd asked me, I think Sam is missing out. You're much sexier than Emily."

"Well, I didn't ask you, and you might not want your little half-breed hear you say something like that."

"Ness? I'm not worried about Nessie," he said with a snort. "She knows what she has. She knows I only have eyes for her.

"Exactly, Jake," I said, the pain gnawing at the jagged edges of my heart like acid on plastic. "Why haven't I found someone? Why haven't I imprinted? Didn't you say that once you imprinted on Nessie, that the romantic feelings you had for Bella were erased? Maybe if I…" I trailed off, biting back the sobs that were sure to erupt if I continued.

_Get yourself together Leah_, I urged myself.

I stood up and walked over to the edge of the shoreline where the cool waters encircled up and around my feet.

"Wow, Leah. I, um," Jake said as he walked over, and stood next to me crossing his arms over his chest. "I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything, Jake," I said, turning to face him. "What could you possibly say? There's nothing you could say that would change who I am or what I am."

He cocked his head to the side, and the sincerest look of empathy etched across his face as he pursed his lips. He knew that there was nothing he could say to ease my pain. A pain that only time could heal. A pain that I truly wish time would begin heal.

"Maybe," he began hesitantly. "Maybe, you haven't come across the right person, but we're not even sure."

"Not sure that I'm even capable of imprinting?" I asked, interrupting him before he could complete his sentence. "Yeah, I know. I'm hopeless, right?"

"No. We're not sure that you won't run the poor guy off before you have a chance to imprint. C'mon, Leah. You can be pretty bitchy…most of the time," he said, fighting back a smile, and wrapped his big arm around my neck.

"Whatever, Jake! I can't help it if men are intimidated by me," I countered with a laugh, and a punch to his stomach.

He was always unsettled by intense conversations. I knew deep down that Jake understood my agony. He knew first-hand what I was going through, and he only wanted to help.

"Intimidated? Is that what you think?" he paused and laughed. "Leah, guys around here tremble with fear when anyone says your name."

"Now, that's not true Jacob Black!"

"Yeah, Leah. It _is_ true. Okay, maybe a bit exaggerated, but true anyhow," he said. His arm fell lazily across my shoulder, and we both stared into the expanse before us watching the sun as it began its retreat behind the ocean.

"Hmm, well maybe that's a good thing," I said with a shrug. "Men ought to know that I'm not one to be played with."

Over the years, Jake had become more of a second brother to me. Despite his better judgment, he decided to allow Seth and me to remain a part of his pack We alternated with Sam's pack to give each other a break running patrols. However, since I'd been working for the _Seattle Times_, Jake hadn't bothered me about it.

"Hey Leah," Jake said never breaking his gaze at the ocean. "Can I ask you for a favor? I mean, I know that you're working now and all, but I'm going to need your help this weekend."

"Okay, Mr. Alpha. Lay it on me." Jake and I didn't see eye to eye on everything, but I'd do almost anything for him.

"Alice is having a dinner party this weekend and has invited guests." _Great now we're back to being the Cullen's watch dogs._ "They should be arriving either today or tomorrow and I need your help to run patrols," he said gripping my shoulder tightly.

"I don't know. I'll see," I said hesitantly with a smirk. "I'd consider it only if I can run the far north perimeter. The stench of bloodsuckers does horrible things to my precious sinuses."

He smiled.

"Listen, don't you even think about making this a habit. I'm only agreeing to do this because I have the rest of the week off."

"Thanks, Lee-Lee," he said, resting his cheek in my hair. "I really appreciate it."

* * *

Chapter End Notes: I have never been to the state of Washington so researching the correct bus routes from Seattle to La Push was a pain in the ass. However, if you're reading and are familiar with the area, I hope that I got it right.  The insight into Leah's initial transformation was inspired by a New Moon outtake featured on .com. The historical and cultural information regarding the Potlatch ceremony was found at .org. However, I do plan to dive into the full ritual head-first in a latter chapter, so keep your dancing shoes close. Again, thanks to all my readers for taking the time to check out my fic. I truly appreciate your support. A shot-out to KariAnn, Lisa, Mari and all my fellow DHGs, I'm glad that you've decided to patronize me by reading; your checks are in the mail. ;) Your continued support makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Please leave your constructive comments and/or criticisms. I would love to hear what you think! It will only aide in me becoming a better writer, so lay it on me!

Don't forget to swing by the DD thread and hangout with me sometimes. I'll be posting updates, teasers, and a little eye candy to satisfy your sweet tooth. The link can be found on my profile page.


	3. Chapter 3: Heart of the Matter

Disclaimer: Stephenie owns it and I'm borrowing it. No copyright infringement intended.

Author's Notes: Leah spends the day with Sue reminiscing over family fun times as well as some times that weren't so fun. Leah comes face-to-face with the demons that she has ran from for so many years. As always, I would like to give a super-duper special thanks to cfmom, my awesome beta, without whom I would have _never_ been able to do this. Although she does tend to call me out on aspects of this story like a drunk in a bar fight…I love that woman! ;) I hope you enjoy!

**Playlist**

Heart of the Matter-

Details In the Fabric - Jason Mraz

On the Inside - Daughtry

Your Joy - Chrisette Michelle

Say - John Mayer

It's So Hard to Say Goodbye - Boyz II Men

Clocks - Coldplay

* * *

**Chapter Three: Heart of the Matter **

**********

I woke to the tantalizing smell of blue corn, maple, and brown sugar. _Mom's famous blue corn pancakes_, I thought, stretching my arms and legs beneath my cozy comforter. My body ached from the restless sleep I'd had over the past couple of days. The light that filtered in through the shutters on my bedroom windows blinded me as I opened my eyes. _One more hour, _I bargained inwardly. I shielded my eyes with my pillow and snuggled securely into my blanket when I heard a knock on my bedroom door.

"Leah, baby! Breakfast is ready," my Mom called from the hallway.

"Alright, Mom," I said as I sat up in the bed and laid my head back against the headboard. "I'll be out in minute."

I threw the covers back, sat on the edge of my bed, and contemplated what I would wear today. It felt strange being at my mother's house during the week. It had been months since I'd been there during the week.

I put on my slippers that were by the bed and retrieved my toiletries and undergarments from my top dresser drawer. I grabbed a pair of jeans from the closet, as well as my favorite red baby-tee, and headed down the hallway to the bathroom.

Once I finished freshening up and tossed my dirty linen into the hamper, rolling my hair into a loose bun, I greeted my mother in the kitchen.

"Hey Mom," I said, as I grabbed a coffee mug from the kitchen cupboard.

"Morning, honey," she gently greeted and then she turned to pour some steeping hot coffee into my cup.

"I thought that you had to work today?" I asked as I took a seat at the dining room table.

"I did," she replied as she placed a corn pancake and some eggs on a plate. "It's not often that I get a visit from my _only_ daughter during the week. So I've decided to take the day off and spend it with you."

"Thanks for the breakfast, but you really didn't have to stay home with me today."

"It's my pleasure, honey," she said as she took a seat across from me at the table. "I saw Seth and the other guys last night on my way home. He told me that you were home for the week. Of course, I didn't believe him until I got home and looked in your room," she paused. "Why didn't you call me?" she asked, circling the rim of her coffee mug with her index finger. "I could've picked you up in Forks or Port Angeles even."

"Well, I thought that maybe I'd try and surprise you."

"You've definitely accomplished that, honey," she began, taking a sip of her coffee. "How have you been sleeping?" she asked suspiciously.

"Oh," I paused, cramming a spoonful of eggs into my mouth. "I've been sleeping great." I lied.

"Hmm," she mused. She looked at me with one raised eyebrow and pursed lips. I knew that look well. She wasn't buying my nonchalant act. "Is that what you'd call it?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about all the tossing and turning that you were doing in your sleep last night," she firmly stated as she grabbed my empty plate and walked to the stove to fix me a second helping. "More eggs?"

"No thanks. I'm full," I answered.

I began to sense the change in the atmosphere as she stood at the stove, staring blankly at the skillet filled with eggs. She must have been revving up for one of her notorious interrogation sessions. She would spring question after question on her victims until they broke under the pressure – spilling ever bit of information they had about whatever she wanted to know.

_Poor Seth. He never got away with anything when we were younger. _

Growing up, I had witnessed on several occasions that my father knew exactly how to avoid some of my mother's more intense inquisitions. Rather than answer her questions, he would repeat them back to her. She would get so frustrated at his refusal to give her a straight answer that eventually she would just give up.

_Maybe it'll work for me. _

"So, you saw me tossing and turning, huh?"

"C'mon, Leah," she began, setting the dish down, as she braced herself against the sink. "I could really play this little tit-for-tat game with you, but I'd like to warn you that I'd mastered it a long time ago. So you really have no chance of winning my dear."

"What game, Mom?" I asked. I wasn't going to give up so easily. It had worked so well for my dad.

"Leah, I'm just concerned about you."

"You're concerned about me?"

"Leah!" she chastised, and I immediately reconsidered my original plan to make her back off.

"Okay. Okay, Mom I'm fine," I surrendered, walking to the counter to pour myself another cup of coffee.

"So, is there something wrong at work, honey? I don't remember you mentioning any vacation plans to me when you were here over the weekend," she stated as she began washing the dishes that were in the sink. "Y'know, when I peeked in your room last night and saw you sleeping so restlessly, it bothered me."

I had been ready to end the conversation before it had even begun. "Well, I'm fine. Just peachy-keen," I replied, emptying my fresh cup of coffee into the sink. "I was offered a leave of absence by my boss. He felt that I needed a little break, that's all."

"Leah Clearwater, did you get fired?" she questioned adamantly, dropping the coffee mug she had just washed back into the soapy dishwater.

"No! I did not get fired!" I informed her. "He gave me a leave of absence. A four day leave and that's it! I go back to work on Monday," I firmly stated.

"Look, honey," she began, cupping my shoulders with her hands. "I didn't mean to upset you. It's just that you rarely talk to me anymore. Can a mother be concerned about her daughter? I mean…it is a part of myjob description," she said with a smirk.

I could only imagine the burdens my mom had to bear dealing with both Seth and I after the death of my father. She took most of her paycheck to feed, not one, but two shape-shifting wolves. I regret that she had to replace my wardrobe more often than she had to replace anything else in the house. It took me months to learn to control my anger. I'd phased more than any of the others, which led to some of the most embarrassing moments of my life.

"Yeah, I know. It's okay. I'm really sorry for raising my voice." I never wanted to disrespect her in anyway; after all, she was just being a _Mom_. I grabbed a towel off the counter and began to dry the dishes while she placed them in the dish rack.

"Well, Miss Lady, how about you and I hang out today if you don't have any other plans?" she asked. "Maybe you can help me get some of the shopping for the Potlatch out of the way."

"That sounds like a plan," I said and placed a kiss on her cheek. "I would love to."

Once we had finished the dishes, my mom made a shopping list for the food dishes that she had planned to make, and placed a phone call while I grabbed my jacket from the bedroom.

"So…" my mom said, walking over to take her jacket and purse from the coat rack near the front door, "I thought that maybe we'd go to Forks and pick up the items we'd need from there first. Then...if we're there long enough, maybe we could grab some lunch before we head back."

"Okay, but...I think that you forgot to mention how we'd stop by to see Charlie," I stated jokingly.

Although she and Charlie were no longer in a romantic relationship, they were still very close friends. She'd even make sure that he had food in his house; otherwise, he would overdose on pizza and beer.

"Well that wasn't a part of my initial plan, but if we just happen to see him while we're there…" she paused, shrugged her shoulders, and gave a childlike grin. "How bad could that be?"

She laughed and nudged me towards the front door.

"Right, I have this feeling that we'll _just_ happen to see him while we're there," I replied in jest.

"Humph," she mused, placing her hands on her hips, biting back a laugh. "How many times have I told you to stay out of grown folks business?"

The drive was euphoric; we laughed and talked about old times during the entire trip to Forks. Spending quality time with my mother was something that I hadn't done since my move to Seattle. The playful banter between us caused me to reflect back to the days prior to my dad's death. The house was always filled with an unspeakable joy, until the sudden demise of my happily ever after with Sam. The football games with dad, Billy, and Charlie were made of scrapbook moments; picture perfect images of happily drunk men bartering over their favorite NFL teams. Profanities and dollar bills were exchanged grudgingly during each commercial break. I could still hear my father's voice saying, "hand me another beer, baby girl" and for four beautiful years - before Seth came along - I hadn't had to share him with anyone but my mom.

My chest panged at the many memories I had of my dad: our fishing trips, my bike riding lessons, and my first date with Sam. I could recall that night as if it had been yesterday. I laughed at the thought of how dad had scared Sam nearly to death that night. "Don't fear the wrath of the ancestors, my wrath is far worse if anything happens to my _only_ daughter" my father had warned Sam as we walked out the door headed for Port Angeles on our first date. That one statement reverberated from Sam whenever he felt that we were doing something that my father wouldn't approve; however, it didn't buffer our behavior one bit. I could recall many times when Sam and I would muster up enough gumption to sneak to the back of the house for a little _extra_ quality time.

My mother continued to reminisce and as the words rolled from her lips in inaudibly waves of glee, I was intermittently taken away by my own thoughts. I really missed watching my mother laugh and smile as she once did when I was younger; when I was happier. I realized, watching her recall the most embarrassing memories of my childhood, how long it had been since I'd had this much fun with her.

Our relationship had dwindled when she began to work longer hours at the reservation's health center and I'd transferred from Peninsula Community College to Washington State University. When I'd finally moved to Seattle, we'd call each other as often as we could, but the calls became scarce and her visits to Seattle were less and less frequent as time progressed.

I'd often wondered how my mother _really_ handled my dad's death. She was always reluctant to speak of her own feelings. _She probably still blames me, _I thought. After all, it had been my phasing, which had sent him spiraling into cardiac arrest. I never had the opportunity to express to her how extremely sorry I was about his death. My emotions, like seismic body waves hidden beneath my defensive exterior, overwhelmed me each time that she had attempted to broach the topic with me. I was unable to adequately verbalize my feelings, so consumed by the tremors triggered by each emotion that I'd have to leave – afraid that I'd phase and cause her more pain.

My breath hitched in my chest as I relived the events of that night in my mind; the night of my transformation. I had remained in my bedroom in agony, unable to regain my human form for even a moment. I was a prisoner to the monster that I'd become, unable to help my family when they needed me. I had failed at being a daughter. I could no longer touch his wrinkled copper-colored cheeks or ruffle his silver locks. My father, my guardian angel, taken from me, and I never even said goodbye. I was unable to apologize for the way in which I'd spoken to him so harshly.

Besieged by guilt, tears filled my eyes and threatened to spill over and reveal my deep seeded regret. With a shallow breath, a solitary tear made a cool trail down the left side of my face just as we pulled into the parking lot of J&P Produce.

"Earth to Leah," my mother began, waving her hand in front of my face. "Where were you just now?"

"Just thinking about dad," I replied still saddened by my thoughts.

"Oh, honey," she said as she parked next to a slightly familiar white Pontiac Grand Am. "Your father would be so proud if he could see you now"

"You think?" I said, overwrought with a shame beyond measure.

"I _know_, honey," she began, removing her keys from the ignition. "You've become such a beautiful woman. You've done well for yourself with the cards that you were dealt in this life. He'd _definitely_ be proud."

"But I never had the chance to tell him goodbye, Mom." No longer able to conceal the intensity of my sorrow, the tears streamed down my face like rivers breaking forth into the ocean. "I never had the chance…the chance to tell him that I was sorry for how awful I was to him that night."

"Oh honey, he knew that you were upset that night. I know that he would've forgiven you," she comforted me. "Look over there. Do you see those?" she asked, pointing towards the rolling cumulus clouds overhead.

"Yes."

"I believe that your father is up there…along with his father, and our many ancestors; our spirit guides. They're there to watch and protect us, honey. The spirits knew what they were doing when they came for him that night."

"That wasn't the spirits." I wiped my tear sodden eyes with a napkin that I had in my pocket. "I did that to him. I took him from you; from Seth. I'm so sorry mom. I didn't mean to kill him."

"No, no, no! Don't you say things like that! You did _not,_ Leah…" Her voice trailed in her protested and shook her head adamantly. "It was simply your father's time to walk on the winds with the other spirit guides."

She turned completely in her seat and cupped my face in her hands. "You can't continue to punish yourself for his death, baby. It was not your fault. All these years, Leah? You've tormented yourself with this all these years?" She released my face and I returned my gaze to the clouds outside the passenger window. "He wouldn't want his _baby girl_ to torture herself so much with something she had no control over."

"Your father's death?" she asked hesitantly. "Is that why you've been sleeping so restlessly?"

A sigh was the only sound I could muster.

"Do you want to talk about whatever it is that's bothering you, honey?"

"Not really, Mom," I said solemnly, unbuckling my seatbelt, and slowly exited the car. "But thanks."

I stood up and took a deep breath, admiring the cool, crisp air. I was slightly relieved that I had finally talked to someone regarding my self-reproach. I'm sure that my mother's intuition recognized my internal struggle, but she was patient with me over the years. _I probably should apologize to her_, I thought as I remembered how I'd act as a stubborn child and would stalk out of the room each time she attempted to broach the subject. Today, it was as if a burden had been lifted from my chest by simply speaking of my guilt. I turned to look in the side-view mirror, wiping my face to erase the light traces that the tears left along my face.

My mother's words, "Your father is up there," made me hopeful that if she was correct, there was so much that I wanted to tell him. I turned and fixed my stare on the cloud formations overhead and was determined to make my peace with my father.

_Hey, daddy. If you're up there_, I began my internal discourse, _it's me, your baby girl. You probably weren't expecting for me to…um…talk to you, but I just wanted to tell you that I really miss you. _The tears again began to fall of their own volition_. Daddy, I'm really sorry for the way that I spoke to you that night. I didn't mean to…to do that to you. If I had only known…if you had just told me…I wouldn't have. Oh, daddy I'm so sorry. _

_I'm really, really sorry, but I've grown up since then. I've helped Mom with Seth. I know that you would've wanted that. Guess what, Daddy? _I continued, wiping my face. _I'm the fastest one in the pack. Well, there are two packs now, long story, but I'm sure you already know that. I've even graduated from college like you wanted. It wasn't easy, but I did it. I've found a good job in Seattle too. _

_Seth is all grown up now. He still hates fishing though. I don't think he's gotten over us scaring him with the fishing bait. Mom's taken your place on the tribal council. It seems like she really loves it. You'd really be proud of us. I just wish that you were physically here to see it all. _

_I hope that you could find it in your heart to forgive me. I love you, Daddy. _

I felt a sense of relief wash over me as I realized that I could have spoken to my father a long time ago, but the guilt I harbored over-powered my will to do so. Deep within, I knew that I could have dealt with my father's death differently; however, I wasn't ready to face the truth surrounding it. I grieved, but I had to do it my way and in my own time.

"Leah, honey, are you coming?" my mom asked as she stood at the entrance of the grocery store, waiting for me to join her.

"Yes. Here I come," I replied, cleaning my face in the side mirror again.

"Well, when you're done, can you meet me inside? I want to get to the produce before everyone starts picking over them." She turned and walked into the store mumbling.

As I straightened my jacket and fixed my hair bun, I was slightly elated that maybe, just maybe, if my father _was_ in the clouds with the spirit guides that he would have forgiven me.

I turned to join my mother, when my attention was drawn to the white car parked in the spot next to ours. There was something almost imperceptibly familiar about the car. I scanned the white automobile inquisitively. _I know that I've seen this car somewhere before, _I thoughtas my innate curiosity took over. I looked in the car for any evidence as to where I'd seen the vehicle. There was a Navajo insignia hanging from the rearview mirror, a dusty pair of tennis shoes on the front seat setting atop a heather grey t-shirt, and a beautiful Indian rosewood guitar in the backseat. _That had to have cost a small fortune_, I thought as my mother stepped back out the door.

"Um, you can come in anytime today, Leah," she called, tapping her watch impatiently.

"Okay, I'm coming."

As I walked into the store, I grabbed a shopping cart and followed her from aisle to aisle as she threw items into the basket. My mom began to reminisce, as she did in the car, joyfully reliving her pregnancies with both Seth and me. She reminded me about the times that we'd put make-up on my dad's face while he slept after one of his nights with the guys. He'd wake up oblivious to what we'd done to him. "Damn every ounce of estrogen in this house," he'd yell from the restroom as we hid in the closet giddy with excitement and waited for him to find us.

"You know Seth still loathes you for what you did to him," my mom paused, showing me the two yellow squash she'd had in her hands. "See, this is what happens when you don't get to the produce first. There's _no_ way that I can possibly make my famous Tuscarora soup with these."

"Seth's still upset with me over what?" I asked, ignoring her dissatisfaction of the store's produce.

"How you used to treat him," she said, as she placed the squash back into the bin, and rummaged for more.

_How I used to treat him_, I questioned internally, trying to recall what exactly I had done to him where he'd still be upset with me. My thoughts fell back to a time when I'd made Seth wear a buckskin dress and Mom's old moccasins around the reservation.

"Oh!" I said, through uncontained laughter. "You mean the time I'd made Seth wear that dress around the rez?"

"Yes." The corners of her mouth twitched up into the most amazing smile. "I think that you actually traumatized him, Leah," she continued, placing a bag of bell peppers and shallots into the cart, attempting to hide her amusement.

"C'mon. You know that Seth was just a big whiny brat," I said, sneaking a pack of trail mix into her basket.

"He was not a brat," she protested. "He was a baby and craved our attention, that's all."

"He was ten years old! That's far from being a baby," I countered. "Now, if that had been me…"

"I would've treated you the same," She interrupted.

"Bull…" I'd caught myself, remembering the vow I had made to _never_ use profanity when speaking to my mom.

"Well…" she began, adding ears of corn to the basket "despite what you may think, _young lady_, I would have."

"If you say so," I agreed with a snicker.

"Actually, I honestly think that you were retaliating for what he did to you and Sam."

"Retaliating? No. He just whined too much for a 10 year old _boy_!" I objected.

My thoughts returned to the white car we'd just parked next to, as my mind continued its pursuit to recall every place I could have possibly seen the car before. _The deli! That's the Navajo guy from the deli, _I thought._ What the hell is he doing in Forks?_ I pushed the cart and nearly slammed it into my mom's heels.

"So you weren't upset that he told me and your father," she halted and asked, "you know, about you and Sam?"

"No way, I didn't care," I said nonchalantly as I continued to scan each aisle to see if my assumption was correct. If it had been the guy that I thought it was; the sarcastic prick from the deli. I wouldn't mind giving him a piece of my mind, as well as his money back.

"Hey honey," my mom began apprehensively. "I've really wanted to talk to you about something."

"What's up?" I asked inattentively while I continued to search each aisle.

"I know that you've asked me to let this go and never to speak of it again," she said, tossing items into the cart as we walked. "But, I've been thinking."

"What's that? What have you been thinking?"

"When was the last time that you talked to your cousin?"

"I call Stephenie, maybe every other week or so."

"Not Stephenie, honey," she said, grabbing the shopping cart, effectively halting my manhunt. "Emily. When was the last time that you spoke to Emily?"

"I say hi and bye to her when I see her – that's about it."

"So you haven't really talked to her since…" Sue began.

"No. You were absolutely right when you said that I never wanted to speak of it again," I interrupted and pushed the cart past her, heading down an empty aisle.

_I didn't want to talk about it, not now, not ever_, I thought as feelings so very close to hatred began to stir in the pit of my stomach. _How could she bring this up now?_ I hadn't spoken to Emily since her and Sam attempted to explain their newfound relationship tomeyears ago. _ I really can't deal with this right now_, I thought, trying desperately to drown out my mother's ramblings of how I should release them- forgive them. _How?_ They were the cause behind the worst years of my life.

"Leah, slow down for God's sake," my mom said as she stalked behind me as I exited the store.

"Please?" I begged, turning to face her in the empty parking lot. It wasn't the place or time to speak of this. "I really can't do this right now."

"Honey, you have to deal with this. It's been far too long already." She gripped my forearms. "Your cousin misses you. She's still hurt behind the whole ordeal."

"Well, I don't miss her, and she ought to hurt. She should hurt as much as they hurt me. She betrayed me, Mom. She was practically my best friend. She knew all about my feelings for Sam, and yet she still fell into the damn imprinting trap. She had a choice, and she made her choice years ago. She chose Sam over me; her family," I paused and took a deep breath.

_Calm down, Leah. You're in the middle of the fucking grocery store parking lot, _I urged myself.

"Now, I've agreed to be a part of the thing that they're doing, but I only agreed because of you. That's it, and that's all," I stated, attempting to free myself from her grip, struggling to maintain my composure.

"Leah, don't do this for me. Do this for you. Look at this event as a cleansing process, honey. The heart of the matter is that it's time for you to forgive; to forgive and let it go," my mom said and cupped my face with her small hands. "And believe me, this has bothered Emily as much as it bothers you."

"Come on, Mom. Do you really expect for me to believe that she's as messed up as _I_ am about this?"

"Yes, honey. I know that she is," she answered. "You know, you weren't the only one who lost a best friend behind the imprint."

"She had a choice, and she chose Sam."

"Damn it, Leah! You know how the imprinting works," she exclaimed, her tone filled with frustration. As she regained her composure, she continued in a soft voice. "There's no way either of them could have resisted its pull. They _are_ soul mates, honey. They didn't do it out of spite towards you. I'm a firm believer that if either had the opportunity to do all over again, they would have wanted things to go differently. They both love you, Leah."

"I'm sure they do. Soul mates, huh? Yeah, I got that memo," I responded sarcastically. "If the imprinting thing is true, then tell me why haven't I imprinted? Why is it that everyone in the pack has imprinted except for Seth and me? Huh? You wanna know why? Because we live in the real world, and never gave into the hocus pocus of the imprinting crap."

"Leah, honey…your time will come," she said softly, stroking my cheek with the back of hand. "You want to know what I think, honey."

"I'm sure that you'll tell me either way."

"I think," she began, as she placed my hands in hers. "I think that the anger and hurt you're carrying is hindering you from actually imprinting. You've closed yourself off and by doing so you've shut out any possible opportunity that you'd have to imprint. Just forgive, Leah. Of course, you won't forget, but it all boils down to forgiveness."

"I wish that it were that easy for me," I began, as the tears again started to pour for the third time today. "Am I supposed to act as if nothing ever happened? Am I supposed to walk in and start up my friendship with Emily as if everything is hunky-dory?"

"Of course not, honey, but you need to talk to her," my mom answered. "Tell her how you feel and allow her to express her feelings as well. It can become a healing process for the both of you."

"I don't know," I replied as she wiped my face. "I can't promise you anything."

"Just promise me that this conversation hasn't gone in one ear and out the other. Promise me that you'd consider talking to her – talking to them both."

"I don't think…"

"Leah, just promise me that you'll sleep on it. That's all I'm asking," she said as she wrapped her arms around my shoulders, bringing me into the tightest embrace she could muster. "I guarantee that you'll feel so much better. You'll see."

She had just asked more of me than I felt I could handle. Could I actually talk to Emily and Sam without breaking down? It had taken me years to gain the strength to be in the same room with them. It was even more difficult to patrol with him after they had been together. His thoughts would inadvertently drift to how she'd just touched him and how it made him feel. Every thought that he'd fought so hard to hide after he'd just made passionate love to her – the way he had once made to me - would crush the fragments of my broken heart.

_Try? She just wants me to try to talk to Emily_, I thought as we made our way back into the store and to the checkout counter. _I would definitely have to sleep on that._ I wasn't sure if I was truly ready to forgive her yet.

After she had paid for the groceries, we made our way to the car and placed the bags in the trunk. Just as I opened the passenger door, I'd noticed that the white car was no longer there._ Damn_, I thought and it was probably a good thing that I didn't run into him. A girl can only handle so much in one day.

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Chapter End Notes: I would like to apologize for taking so long to update, but real life has been extremely busy, not to mention that this chapter took on a mind of its own. Again, thanks to all my readers. I truly appreciate your support. **Defying Destiny** has been nominated for the **Imprint Award** at www(dot)thesparkleawards(dot)webs(dot)com, and voting opens Friday, October 16th so please stop by and show your girl some love. Another shot-out to my kickass beta, Lisa, and my DHG family for your continued support.

Please don't forget to leave your constructive comments and/or criticisms. I would love to hear what you think! It will only aide in me becoming a better writer, so lay it on me!

Don't forget to swing by the DD thread and hangout with me sometimes. I'm an interactive writer and would love to hear your thoughts and ideas as to where you feel the story is headed. I'll also be posting updates, teasers, and a little eye candy to satisfy your sweet tooth. The link can be found on my profile page.


	4. Chapter 4: Say Goodbye

**Author Notes**: Sue has now encouraged Leah to face her challenges head on - to forgive and let it go. However, Leah isn't quite ready to forgive. Why can't she just _let go_ of her past? We shall see. This chapter consists of a flashback, which contains sexually explicit content. Therefore, if you **don't** particularly care for a nice lemon as a part of your read, please feel free to skip that portion of this chapter; however, I must inform you that all lemons in this story are, in fact, essential to the plot progression and not just added bonuses to make your private parts twitch and tingle. Nevertheless, **you have been warned** and I will not be held liable for any "cookies" that may be tossed in the process.

_*In order to properly adhere to the FanFiction(dot)net Terms of Service, the sexual content of this chapter has been modified to comply with the M-Rating that this story has been given. If you would like to read the uncensored version, please visit the Twilighted(dot)net link found on my profile page. I hope that you enjoy!_

**Playlist:**

Ms. Stress - Floetry

The Moldau - Bedřich Smetana

My First Love - Avant

Freakin Me – Jamie Foxx

Say Goodbye – Chris Brown

Suppose to Grow Old- Justin Nozuka

Emotional Rollercoaster – Vivian Green

I Remember – Keyshia Cole

Tired- Adele

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* * *

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**Chapter 4: Say Goodbye **

*******

The day that I spent with my mom was filled with sporadic moments of awkward silence, and a lot of emotions I had spent years repressing. _How could she even ask me to forgive them?_ Sam and Emily's betrayal had haunted my dreams for so many years, and I had tried my damnedest to move on. How did anyone expect me to move on when the strength of Sam and Emily's emotional connection was so blatantly displayed every time I saw them. The idea of forgiveness had been a difficult concept to grasp.

I couldn't seem to thinking about the conversation that I had just had with my mother and rid it from my mind. _Try_? I questioned inwardly. All she wanted from me was to simply _try. _I sighed as I reconsidered my mother's suggestions to mend the relationships between Sam, Emily, and I. My mom attempted – several times - to regain the light and carefree interaction that we'd had earlier during the day, but it was impossible. She had opened a can of worms that I wasn't ready to fish with; unfortunately, now that it's open, I was forced to deal with it.

"Do you feel like stopping for lunch, honey?" She asked hesitantly, breaking the silence that filled the cab. There was no doubt in my mind that she'd figured out that the distance between us was a result of our discussion in the grocery store parking lot.

"Sure. I don't mind," I replied. I fixed my stare on the foliage that blurred by the window as she drove down the street.

My mind drifted back to memories of Sam; when I was happier. The trees, the trails, certain rocks, and places we'd passed - they all had meanings that I had attached to time that I had spent with Sam. When we were younger and in love, we had spent so much time together exploring the land just to have _alone_ time. When we weren't making out our conversations would consist of mindless debates over landscape.

"Well, well," my mom began, pulling into the parking lot of Carver's Cafe. "Is that Charlie's cruiser?"

"Um, yeah," I answered, and I was well aware that she had known that Charlie would be there. "That's Charlie's cruiser."

"Well, I guess you were right about us _happening_ to run into Charlie," she continued nonchalantly.

"Oh, c'mon, Mom. We both know that you knew that Charlie would be here. That's who you probably called before we left the house," I countered in an attempt to end her charade.

"Leah!" she chastised.

"I mean…we're both adults here. If you want to see Charlie, that's your business. I have nothing to do with that," I said.

"Humph. Just like not forgiving Sam or Emily is your business, I gather," she stated.

"Exactly," I replied in a soft voice and gazed out the passenger side window.

"Y'know, Leah," my mother began. "You've got a really bad attitude right now and I don't want that attitude of yours to interfere with my lunch. So unless you decide to wrap it up and put it away until we get back to the reservation, you can find other means to get home," she concluded as she parked the car and walked into the café.

_Maybe I did come off a little abrasive just now_, I thought, wondering if I should take her advice and find another way to get home. I knew, however, that I couldn't leave with things in the shambles that they'd become since our discussion in the parking lot. Hell, she was just trying to help me work through some of the issues in my life.

I felt as though if I hadn't tagged along today, things would've been easier for me. I could have stayed at the house, watched television, and ate myself into a gluttonous haven and wouldn't have had to deal with these issues, at least not until next weekend.

"_Forgiveness," _I mumbled, as I exited the car. Just speaking the word left a bitter taste in my mouth. I was _not_ weak and I was _not_ about to lead them to believe that their union was acceptable - with or without the damn imprint. Their actions were the epitome of betrayal; treachery at its finest! _Forgiveness_. Anger smoldered, like lava, in the pit of my stomach at the very thought of the word. _Fuck forgiveness!_ They were lucky that I didn't rip both of their heads off. I would've even fed Emily to the red-eyed leeches from Seattle, given the chance.

I paused at the café door and took a deep breath to calm the tremors that fought to consume me. _Calm down, Leah_, I encouraged myself. _Those bastards aren't worth you fursploding in this very public place. _

I entered and scanned the diner for my mother and Charlie, who appeared to have already settled in at the table. The atmosphere was homely, and nothing had changed since the last time that I had come here with my dad. It still had the same beige laminate countertops, which were now peeling along the edges. The retro bar stools were still covered in that same faded green leather and despite its lack of tasteful aesthetics, the aroma emanating from the kitchen was mouthwatering.

"Hey Charlie," I greeted him, ignoring the incredulous expression on my mother's face, as I took my seat.

"Hi, Leah," Charlie responded as he gingerly shifted glances between my mother and I.

"Whatcha got there?" I asked him, referring to the drinks and appetizers that they had ordered in my absence.

"A coke. Your mom…" he paused with a quizzical look upon his face "…your mom said that she didn't think that you would be joining us."

"Well," I began, just as the waitress approached. "I've decided to stay," I continued with a grin.

"So, Chief Swan, you're a bit of a ladies' man today," the waitress jokingly stated. "Two dates at the same time, huh?"

"Tiny, you already know my…friend, Sue," Charlie stated dubiously. "This is her daughter, Leah."

"What can I get for you, Leah?" the waitress inquired.

"Let me get the Carver Cobb Salad. Can I have the bacon and dressing on the side please?" I asked.

"Sure, hon. I'll be right back with your order," she replied gleefully and tapped her order pad before she walked away.

"I'm sorry. Did you two order your meals already?" I asked my mom and Charlie.

"Yeah, we did, but…hey, Tiny?" Charlie replied. "Let me order you some potato skins. It's still your favorite, right?

"No, no, no, Charlie," I stopped him before he caught the waitress' attention. "I'm cool. I've gotta watch my girlish figure nowadays."

He laughed. "Well, I suppose you should," he mumbled shyly.

I saw several emotions flicker across my mother's face as she observed my light interaction with Charlie: confusion, suspicion, and finally contentment. She had to have been wondering what had happened to me between the time she exited the car and entered the diner; nothing really. I couldn't leave without, somehow, mending things between us. Plus, I liked Charlie, and seeing him brought back fond memories of my dad. If his daughter hadn't become a leech and gave birth to the fifty-fifty vamp, I wouldn't have minded Charlie being a part of the family. In a sense, he had already been a part of the family long before my father died.

"Chief Swan, you have the T-bone steak and baked potato," the waitress began as she divvied out our orders. "Halibut with steamed veggies for your friend and a Carver Cobb, bacon and dressing on the side for you, my dear," she handed me my plate.

"Thanks, Tiny. You're the best," Charlie praised her.

As I drizzled the clumpy blue cheese dressing over half of my salad, my thoughts drifted back to when I hadn't had to pay much attention to what I ate. I could polish off as much food as I wanted to at one point in time; well, that was back when I ran with the pack on a regular basis. However, since I spent most of my time in Seattle – where I could only go out for the typical human jog – I decided that it was best for me to eat more nutritiously.

Of course, the guys could eat like hogs and still look fit, but I was…different from the rest; the wildcard. There wasn't another female shape-shifter in our tribal history. My destiny was obscure because there wasn't a blueprint to go by. I was a pack mystery. Would I ever begin to age again? Will I ever be capable of conceiving a child, since I hadn't had a menstrual cycle since the month prior to my initial phase? _Whatever, it really doesn't matter_, I thought, pulling myself from my own pensive trance.

I sat and observed my mother and Charlie converse as they ate their meals. They were happy and apparently content in the decisions that they had made to go their separate ways. I couldn't imagine how difficult the decision – to end their relationship - had to have been for the both of them. Charlie didn't want to leave the force or the home that he had spent the majority of his life in. My mother refused to leave the reservation or resign from her place on the council. I figured that they would've been able to come to some form of agreement, rather then ending it.

Yet, they sat before me laughing and enjoying each other's company, as my thoughts shifted, once more, to Sam. Could we have had this type of friendship? Could we sit, eat, and joke with, disregarding what had happened between us? Completely platonic? _Hell no!_ Our situation was different from my mother and Charlie's; like night and day. We had serious issues that permeated every aspect of our relationship and our damages were _beyond_ repair.

Sam had attempted, several times, to preserve whatever friendship he felt that we could salvage. "I wish I could just explain it to you, Lee-lee," is all he would say to me, which had been counterproductive on his part. It only pissed me off the more. He tried and tried, until he finally said, "fuck it" since I'd give him the cold-shoulder. _Humph, that's right. Fuck it_, I thought. That's what our problem was…he _fucked_ it. He fucked our relationship and then he _fucked_ her; my cousin. I dropped my fork on the table, engrossed by my own rancid thoughts. I hastily concealed my shaking hands beneath the table.

_Think happy thoughts_, I encouraged myself as I stared at my plate. I filled my head with images of foolish clowns, Karen's drunken stupors, and Seth running around the rez in a dress. I laughed, noticeably, to myself and felt slightly psychotic.

"What's so funny, honey?" my mom asked bewildered.

"Oh, just thinking about Seth in that dress," I answered with a tinge of embarrassment.

"What?" Charlie questioned, not privy to the discussions my mom and I had had earlier during the day.

As she began to explain my answer to Charlie, I noticed that the familiar white Pontiac Grand Am was now parked in front of the hardware store next door. _This jackass must be following me_, I thought as I scanned the diner for my stalker. I excused myself from the table and was determined to confront him this time. If I had to wait all day, I was going to catch him. I had to make sure, however, that it was the same car.

I walked outside and meticulously appraised my surroundings in search of the jerk, who had obviously been stalking me. I walked casually towards the car.

"Sale! 50% off on hiking gear! Today only!" a young boy yelled, as his bike came to screeching halt in front of me, and handed me a neon orange flyer.

_Damn!_

"Thanks," I said to the boy as he peddled away. The anxiety obviously had me on edge, but I was dead set on avoiding any further distractions.

As I looked inside the car, it appeared to be the same vehicle. I noticed that the Indian Rosewood guitar, the sneakers, and t-shirt were no longer visible in the car as they had been earlier. _Maybe it's not him,_ I thought, suddenly saddened by the possibility that I may actually be psychotic and simply paranoid with delusions of my own make-believe male stalker. However, the Navajo insignia was still hanging from the rearview mirror. I heaved a sigh of relief at the realization that I hadn't _completely_ lost my mind.

_This is his car_, I concluded as I rested against its hood and prepared to wait for its owner. I fiddled idly with the orange flyer and waited, impatiently. What would I say to him? I tried desperately to formulate a mock dialogue in my head. Numerous questions filtered through my mind, as I began to pace back and forth along the driver's side of the car. My anxiety piqued with each lap I made. _This is crazy_, I thought as I warred within as to why I felt so compelled to confront this man.

"Leah, honey," my mother called to me as Charlie walked her to her car. "You ready?"

"Uh, no," I replied hesitantly. "I…I have a few things to handle here before I head back."

"But, honey," she began. "Do you want me to wait for you?"

"No. Go ahead. I'll be fine," I interrupted. "I'll meet you back on the rez."

"Um, okay," she answered, puzzled, as Charlie embraced my mother and placed a chaste kiss on her forehead.

I sighed and was on the verge of reconsidering my plan to accost this person; the guy that had so willing paid for the _poor girl's_ lunch the other day in Seattle. I waved goodbye to both my mother and Charlie and I resumed my awkward pacing, with renewed fervor, beside the car. I realized that waiting outside someone's car, solely based on what I thought I knew of their car, was completely ridiculous.

_What am I thinking?_

My senses heightened with anticipation as I occasionally glanced at the doors of the nearby stores; waiting, watching. _Ah, just come on for God's sake_, I thought and increased my pacing, which now encompassed the entire car.

"Um…hi," a soft, sultry voice echoed behind me as I began another lap towards the rear of the car. "Are you…okay?" she said, looking around the parking lot, possibly wondering if I was a part of some practical joke.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm cool," I spouted, nonchalantly.

"Well, is there anything that I can help you with?" she questioned, pointing her keys towards the car door.

"Oh, I'm sorry," I apologized, "Is this your car?" I casually stepped away from the white Pontiac Grand Am that I had been certain belonged to my acclaimed assailant.

"Yeah, actually it is," she stated with a giggle. "Were you waiting on someone? I'm only asking because I've seen you make a couple of trips around the car and…honestly, I thought that you had a few…um…screws loose."

"Actually, I was," I replied, swiftly. It was the truth. "Have you seen a young boy on a bike? We were passing out these flyers here and…he told me that he'd bring me some more. This is my last one," I informed, handing her the orange flyer that was in my hand. "But you can have it. 50% off on all this stuff. So, yeah, you should check it out," I concluded and was proud of the lie that I had concocted on the fly.

"Okay, thanks," she replied. Her left brow arched suspiciously, and I knew she wasn't convinced by my obvious lie.

I made my way down E Street, and headed back towards the reservation. _I must be out of my mind! What, the hell, was I thinking?_ I thought as I passed by the Forks Community Hospital and into the brush behind it. How foolish was I, waiting by a car, that didn't belong to him? My emotional state had definitely altered my rationale. Otherwise, there would've been _no_ way that I would've waited – so obsessively – by someone's car like that.

I sprinted through the hinterland that separated Forks and La Push at the peak of my human speed, contemplating how much sooner I would reach the rez if I ran in my wolf form. I, decidedly, cloaked myself behind a fir and removed my clothing. I tied my t-shirt and panties tightly together and fastened them to my right ankle. I began with a simply jog, as the tremors covered by naked flesh and with a jolting force, I became the wolf that I'd despised becoming years ago. It was never an easy transition into my wolf form, but the pain was less intense – from excruciating to the feel of a pinprick – over time.

I tore through the depths of trees as the adrenaline pulsated through my veins. It was a very liberated experience to run without the intrusion of anyone's thoughts, but my own. The air tickled the thick skin beneath my grey coat as I ran. The thick tangle of ivy, ferns, and moss-covered trees wisped by me as my paws made a trail through the spongy vine covered mass underfoot. The primitive part of myself was at peace, at home as the Brown Creepers, Black-throated Warblers, and Song Sparrows chirped a beautiful melody in E-minor, with the scurrying of the Mantids, and Beatles as their percussion section. It was like music to my ears.

Ten, possibly fifteen, minutes was all it took for me to reach the brush right behind my mother's house. I could have possibly made it sooner, if it hadn't been so early in the afternoon. I skidded to a halt and as my breathing and heart-rate slowed, I phased back into my human form, pulling on my baby-tee and underwear and ran into the house.

"What the hell!" Seth screeched, jumping away from my mom's fridge, which he had been raiding. "Why are you…half naked?" he asked.

"I went for a run," I told him and pushed him aside to grab the last of the orange juice from the fridge. I finished it off in three large gulps. "Where's mom? I told her that I would meet her here," I said, scanning the living room for any evidence that she had returned.

"Wait. You phased?" he questioned, jokingly. "You mean to tell me that Miss Seattle went for a run as _the_ wolf?"

"Um, yeah," I answered. "I still phase, you idiot. In fact, I'm patrolling with you jerks this weekend," I continued, polishing off a couple of crackers. "Besides, you would be nothing without the fastest she-wolf around," I stated with conceit.

"You're the _only_ she-wolf around," Seth replied with a baffled gaze.

"Joke, Seth. Ha…ha," I facetiously countered, shaking my head. "You're still a dork, did you know that?" I said asked and made my way down the hallway to my bedroom. "Where's Mom anyway?"

"She's over at Jared and Kim's place. They're over there doing some girly stuff for the potlatch, I think," Seth answered. "Hey, you should head over there. You wanna ride? After you get some clothes on, that is," he shouted down the hallway.

"No thanks. I think I'll pass on all that," I said.

I closed the door and threw myself across the bed, exhausted, snuggled into my pillow, as remnants of today's events filtered through my mind in hazy fragments.

_He'd definitely be proud…Is that why you've been sleeping so restlessly?_ I heard my mother's voice as clear as if she had been in the room with me.

_When was the last time that you spoke to Emily_…_you weren't the only one who lost a best friend because of the imprint._

I pulled the pillow over my head as I tried to muffle her words from earlier today

My eyes, now laden from sleep deprivation and my extensive run home, fluttered shut. _Just forgive, Leah… it all boils down to forgiveness _echoed in my ears as my mind raced towards a much needed sleep.

***

"Any word from him, Ms. Uley?" I asked, frantically over the phone.

_No sweetie, we still haven't heard anything from him. Charlie and the Forest Rangers are on their way over now. They're rounding up a couple of people to search the Olympic National… _

"Okay, I'm on my way," I interrupted. "Please, don't leave without me," I pleaded and hung up the phone before Ms. Uley could answer.

"Wait, honey," my mom cried. "Your father's on his way back."

I ignored her and ran to my room, stumbling over boxes of my things that my mom had packed and had ready to ship to Washington State University. I had been accepted and provided with a tribal scholarship, but when Sam disappeared, college was the last thing on my mind. My heart pounded in my chest as I fumbled through my closet in search of my backpack.

_We'll find him…he's fine_, I encouraged myself and began to frantically throw pieces of clothing from my drawers into a bag. It had been days since anyone had heard from Sam, and it wasn't like him to _not_ call or come by. We'd had a routine, since my freshman year of high school – when we'd first started dating. He'd call me in the mornings before we met at school, as well as at night before I went to bed. We'd often talk each other to sleep at night, as if we weren't going to see each other the very next day. He hadn't broken that routine once during our entire four years together. Something had definitely happened to him.

The last night I'd spoken to him on the phone, he'd admitted to me that he wasn't feeling well. He said that the house was as hot as a furnace and that he'd planned to take a walk when he hung up the phone. The weather that night was extremely cold, and I'd tried to convince him that it wasn't wise to walk around in that type of weather. I'd suggested that if he was that _hot_, he should come over and I'd _take care_ of him. _I couldn't have offended him with my little sexual innuendo_, I thought. Sam and I had become sexually active months after my eighteenth birthday, and my little comments were nothing new to him.

I ran into the kitchen and tossed non-perishable snacks into my bag, as gruesome images of his mutilated body, naked and bloody, flashed through my mind. Blinded by my own tears, I braced myself on the kitchen counter for support.

"Please, Leah, at least wait for your father," my mother pleaded as she wrapped her arms around me and laid my head on her chest. "He's fine. Sam's fine, baby. They'll find him."

"I can't sit here. I just can't sit here and do nothing," I tried to speak through the onslaught of my emotions. "He's out there, somewhere; alone."

"Sam Uley is a strong boy and has always been," she encouraged. "He probably needed to get away for a while. It's been hard for him growing up without a father."

"No! He would have said something to me, Mom," I argued. "He would have told me if something was bothering him, or if he needed a break. He's never gone this long without calling me. Something's wrong; I can feel it." I snatched myself away from my mother and sprinted for the door.

"Where are you going?" my father asked as he walked into the house.

"I'm going to Ms. Uley's. Charlie and the Forest Rangers are coming. We're going to search for Sam," I informed him, while trying to move past his towering figure, as he blocked the door.

"But, Leah," my dad began.

"No," I yelled, cutting him short, biting back the tears that sought to overwhelm me again. "I have to go daddy. I love him and I can't sit here, doing nothing."

"I know you do, baby girl. I know you love him," he said and heaved a sigh as he embraced me. "Sue, I'm going to take Leah over to the Uley's. Call me if you need me, okay,"

"I will. Be safe," my mother said as we left the house.

The car ride to Ms. Uley's was unbearably long because of my anxiety. I couldn't block out the grotesque visions of Sam sprawled across the mossy covered ground, dismembered by a grizzly, or trapped beneath a fallen tree, taking his last breaths, and I wasn't there with him. I wasn't there to hold him in my arms, to tell him how much I loved him and how he meant the world to me.

"Daddy, hurry," I bellowed, tapping the dashboard, anxiously.

"We're here, baby girl," he chided, as he pulled in front of Ms. Uley's. "Wait, Leah."

I had already jumped from the car and ran into the house. Ms. Uley was standing in the living room talking to Charlie and the rangers.

"Okay, let's go," I demanded as I walked in and saw, what appeared to be, them casually talking.

"Slow down, Leah," Ms. Uley said as her hands cupped my shoulders. "We can't just run out there haphazardly, sweetie. The rangers need to devise a plan for us so that no one else comes up missing."

Although she tried to appear calm, I could tell by her swollen and blood-shot eyes that she hadn't slept since Sam's disappearance either. She walked me to the couch and asked the rangers to help themselves to a pot of coffee she had brewing in the kitchen.

"Sit down for minute, Leah," she requested and took a seat next to me. "Sweetie, we can't have you out there. The forest is no place for a young girl at night."

"But Ms. Uley, I can't just sit here…" my voice trailed off as I was assailed once more by disturbing images of Sam, ensanguined and dying.

"Leah, we have to allow Charlie and the rangers to do their jobs. We can't worry them with the added the pressure of monitoring of us along the way," she stated and looked at my father.

"She's right, baby girl. Listen, I'll go along with them, if it makes you feel any better," my dad suggested.

"But what if…" I trailed off. Although I'd thought it several times that night, I couldn't force my mouth to actually form the words for what was going through my mind. "What if he's…"

"No, Leah! You mustn't think like that," Ms. Uley insisted, as her eyes turned wild with fear. "Stay here and let me talk to Charlie and your father."

She took a deep breath, wiped her sodden eyes, and joined my father and Charlie at the front door. They talked for several minutes as the rangers and the other volunteers conversed amongst themselves in the kitchen.

"This Uley kid probably just ran away from home. Maybe he doesn't want to be found," one ranger hypothesized.

"Well, the kid grew up without a father in the home. He's probably off getting himself into trouble. That's what I think," another ranger chimed in.

"Well, I heard that the kid was doing drugs," one of the volunteers interrupted. "Nolin at the café said that the kid looked dazed, like he was high on something."

"It's possible. Single parent homes can't provide adequate supervision for a young man like that Sam…" another ranger added.

"Ah! I can't take this," I shouted, burying my face into a pillow on the sofa. I was frustrated that nothing had happened yet. Everyone was still standing around talking, gossiping, while Sam was lost somewhere in forest.

"Okay, guys," Ms. Uley began, wiping her eyes again, but the tears flowed without end from her eyes. "I'll stay here with Leah, but please…please call me as soon as you find him."

"We will," Charlie promised. "Come on guys, we have a long night ahead of us. Looks like a storm might be rolling in."

The men piled into SUVs, pick-up trucks, and police cruisers all headed for the Olympic National Forest, while Ms. Uley and I watched from the front door. Ms. Uley mentioned that I should call my mother to let her know that I was okay, and I did. I'd called my mother and told her that I would be waiting at the house with Ms. Uley as my dad and the others searched for Sam, but she didn't seem as relieved as I thought she would be.

Ms. Uley handed me a pillow and a blanket as she sat beside me. We both sat silently, completely mortified by what the men might find on their hunt for Sam. It seemed like I had only rested my head on the pillow for a moment, when suddenly Sam's mother jumped to her feet.

"Oh, baby, you're home…what happened?" she questioned, examining him for cuts and bruises. "Are you hurt? I thought that you were…you're all I have left…you can't do this to me, Sammie!" she continued in non-coherent sentences.

It was my Sam; only it wasn't. He was different. He was bigger, taller, and his eyes were devoid of any emotion; almost frightening. I left my place on the couch and walked over to where he stood with his mother. _It's a dream, _I told myself and leaned against the couch. I waited to see if he would acknowledge me, or respond to his mother for that matter, but there was no change in his demeanor. This had to be a dream.

"Who's pants are you wearing? Are you hungry, sweetie? I've been so worried." Ms. Uley continued, coaxing him toward the kitchen. "Coffee, maybe? No, no coffee. You're probably exhausted," she concluded and we witnessed the first signs of life, as Sam nodded his head in agreement.

My emotions were in a disheveled array. While every part of me wanted to grab him, shake him, and curse him for leaving the way he did - I loved him and simply wanted to hold him, making my arms a haven of safety. My feet were welded to the floor beneath me as I watched his mother lovingly attending to her prodigal son.

I was immobilized by my warring emotions, and I slid down onto the living room floor behind the couch. He was home, but he _wasn't_. His mind seemed as though it was still wandering somewhere in its own personal abyss. Suddenly tears swelled in my eyes, threatening to spill over, as he walked unseeingly by me and into his bedroom, slamming the door behind himself.

Ms. Uley quickly called Charlie's cell phone. "He's here! Yes, he's here, Charlie," she sobbed into the phone. "No… No… He hasn't said anything yet. He's exhausted," she continued, clutching her chest, and looked towards his bedroom door. "I sent him to bed… Sure. Okay…I'll tell her. Yes… Okay, see you later on today. And Charlie, thank you so much for all your help."

I sat with my knees to my chest, when Ms. Uley grabbed my hands, lifting me from the floor. "Come on, sweetie. Your dad is on his way to pick you up."

The weeks drudged by indolently as I spent every minute possible under the Uley's roof in hopes that things would change, that he would become the man I had fallen in love with once again. He never talked when I would visit, and it bothered me because, until this incident, we'd talk hours on end without running out of things to say. Now, it seemed that Sam had no words for me at all. I refused to force him to talk to me, and I coped with his muteness by convincing myself that his vocal cords were taken by alien beings during his rendezvous in the Olympic.

I'd cried myself to sleep many times with the phone beneath my pillow, hoping and praying that the catatonic spell would be lifted and he'd call me like he used to, but he never did. I stuck by his side, and remained persistent in my display of affections, as a devoted girlfriend should, but the entire situation was overwhelmingly frustrating. I knew that we'd eventually get through this, but how?

The turn of events continued to gnaw heavily at the little patience I had and pervaded every thought ruthlessly. I needed a sounding board, an avenue to vent my frustration. Emily, my second cousin, lived on the Makah reservation up north and she would come to visit me for a weekend every summer. We weren't very close prior to Sam's disappearance. However, we became as close as sisters after Sam went into his silent stupor. I'd call her every day in an attempt to feel the hole in my chest that Sam's social reluctance had begun to hollow out.

Charlie and Ms. Uley had tried to question him on many occasions about what had happened to him in the forest, but he refused to speak of it. Ms. Uley thought it best if the elders – that had become surrogate fathers to Sam - came by and spoke to him. During breakfast one Sunday morning, Mr. Ateara came by, along with my father, to speak to Sam. Ms. Uley and I were in the kitchen preparing breakfast, as Sam sat on the couch watching television, when we heard a knock at the door.

"I'll get it," I offered and made my way to the front door. "Hi Mr. Ateara," I greeted and gestured for him to come inside. "Hey, daddy," I welcomed my father with a tight embrace.

"Quil, Harry," Ms. Uley, chimed in, informally. "I'm glad that you were able to come by."

I walked into the living room and leaned over the back of the couch to tell him about his guests. Sam laggardly rose to his feet and made his way over to my dad and Mr. Ateara.

"Hello, Mr. Clearwater," Sam greeted my father and turned to shake Mr. Ateara's hand. "Hello, Mr. Ateara." As Sam gripped his hand, Mr. Ateara crumpled over, clasping his chest.

"Stop that, Sam!" Ms. Uley ordered. "What are you doing to him," she asked, separating their hands as my father knelt down to tend to Mr. Ateara.

"What did you do to him?" I whispered to Sam.

"Nothing," Sam said, looking at his hands. "I didn't do anything, but shake his hand."

"Your hand, son," Mr. Ateara began as he gasped for breath. "Your hands are as hot as coals of fire," he stated in awe.

"He's had this high temp since he's been back, but he refuses to see a doctor," Ms. Uley informed.

"Is that true, son?" Mr. Ateara inquired with a petrified look on his face.

"Yes, sir. I have," Sam replied, respectfully.

"Harry, call the council to order. We must meet at once," Mr. Ateara ordered my father and then turned to Sam. "Come with me, son. There are many things we must discuss."

_What just happened?_ I thought, completely perplexed, as I watched Sam leave with Mr. Ateara. I'd spent the most of the day with Ms. Uley, waiting on Sam to return. He had been gone for so long that I decided to help Ms. Uley straighten up the house and head home.

Once I was home I tried to watch some television. I spent an hour flipping through the channels absentmindedly before I picked up the phone to call Emily. She was a wonderful distraction when I needed one. We'd discuss everything from music to the day-to-day activities on our respective reservations. She'd even offered to come down to keep me company next weekend, given how distant I'd told her that Sam had been as of late.

I hadn't realized how lengthy our conversation was until my mother and Seth had returned from their trip to Port Angeles. I hung up the phone and assisted my mother with dinner before I headed for bed.

"You're not going to eat, honey?" my mother asked as I made my way down the hall to my room.

"No thanks. I don't have much of an appetite," I told her and locked myself away in my bedroom. The phone suddenly rang.

"Hello," I said.

_Hey, Lee-lee,_ Sam responded, and the sound of his voice sent my heart into a palpitating frenzy. He hadn't called me since the night he'd disappeared. So I kept him on the phone until I couldn't keep my eyes open, and I was surprised when he called me again the next morning.

Our lives were returning to normal, as the week progressed, and we slowly slipped back into our daily routines. He began to call me every morning and every night, just as he had in the past. Our conversations consisted of everything except for how he had spent his days with the tribal elders, and although our relationship was on the mend, his secrecy became increasingly irritating. Why wouldn't he tell me where he went at night? Or why he had to go _every_ night?

As rays of sun glinted in through my bedroom window, my mother's voice echoed through my bedroom door from the hallway, "Leah, we're leaving. Your dad and I are taking Seth to that fair in Bothell. Are you sure you don't want to come along? It'll be fun."

"No thanks," I yelled back, still dizzy with sleep. I tossed agitatedly in the bed, now unable to get back to sleep. _Um, Sam hasn't called me_, I thought as I looked at the alarm clock on my nightstand. I dragged myself from my bedroom to the bathroom. I knew that a shower would wake me enough to investigate as to why he hadn't called me this morning.

Once I finished freshening up, I threw on a tank top, a pair of flannel pants, and headed to the kitchen. I had just scrambled a couple of eggs and toasted a few slices of bread when there was a loud rap at the front door. It was Sam, and he appeared tired.

"Hey, Lee-lee. You cooked breakfast?" he asked, and he walked by me heading directly into the kitchen.

"Well, good morning to you, too," I said sarcastically, and ollowed him into the kitchen. He devoured my breakfast in less than two minutes. "Damn, Sam. I hadn't planned on eating that, or anything."

"I'm sorry, babe," he replied, taking a paper towel from the roll that sat on the table. "You have any more?"

"Yeah, I'll make you some more, but whoever you've been hanging out with at night needs to start feeding you as well," I said as I scrambled a few more eggs in the skillet.

"C'mon, let's not start this again, " he began. " I've told you plenty times that I'm not hanging out with anybody."

"Well, then why can't you just tell me what you've been doing?" I asked. "You don't tell me anything anymore," I argued, handing him the fresh plate of eggs.

I left him alone in the kitchen and plopped on the couch like a petulant child. _Why is he being so secretive?_ I thought as I placed my head in my hands, saddened by the direction our relationship was obviously headed. We had once shared every intimate detail of our lives with each other. He knew me better than anyone else did; yet he refused to share what he had been going through.

Sam finished his eggs, made his way over to the couch, and knelt in front of me. "Lee-lee, look at me please," he said as he removed my hands from my face. His hands were fevered and sent shivers through my body. I hadn't felt his touch since before he had left for his walk and returned days later. It always amazed me how one touch from him sent a surge of wetness to the sensitive area between my legs.

"Baby, if I could tell you about…what's going on with me, you know, without a doubt, that I would. Believe me. It's killing me not being able to tell you what's going on. Not being able to kiss you, or touch you the way that I want to, has been…"

"Why, Sam? Why can't you touch me? I mean…what the fuck? You're not contagious, right? First, it was the flu. Now it's PTSD, Acute Stress Reaction, or whatever the hell it is?" I said, completely enraged by his new restrictions. _Were the elders telling him not to touch me?_ He laughed and placed his hands on my thighs to soothe me.

"This isn't funny Sam Uley!" I exclaimed, pushing his hands from my thighs, and I immediately regretted that I did so.

"I love the way you look when you're pissed," he explained as he gently patted my outer thighs and sat back on his heels. "Your nose wrinkles and the way you squint your eyes is extremely sexy. Have I ever told you that?"

"Well, you haven't told me much since you've gone monk," I countered. "I miss _us_, Sam. I miss what we were. What we had. The things we did," I continued as I lightly traced his eyebrows with my thumbs and cupped his cheeks in the palms of my hands. His eyes drifted closed, and I adoringly memorized every line and crease of his very masculine face.

He heaved a sigh and removed my hands. "We can't, Lee-lee," he said in lament.

"Why? My mom and dad took Seth to some fair in Bothell. They won't be back until later on tonight," I implored. "We have the whole house to ourselves."

"Really?" he questioned, and I heard a hint of excitement pique in his voice. Then he suddenly shook his head. "No, I can't. I'm not sure if…I just don't want to hurt you, Lee-lee," he said, bowing his head.

"Hurt me?" I inquired. I was baffled at why he felt that he would hurt me. _Hmm…oh, I get it. He wants to be facetious with his little egotistical wise crack, does he? I could play along if that's what he wanted._ "_Hurt_ me, Sam." I countered, coquettishly, pulling his face ever so close to my own. "Yes…I want you to _hurt_ me real good," I moaned into his ear.

He laughed abashedly before he grabbed my hips, pulling me to the edge of the sofa. "I'm not joking, Lee," he chuckled and wrapped his arms around my waist. "This is seri…"

My lips crashed against his passionately, devouring every inch their succulence before he could continue speaking. We finally had an opportunity to be alone and I wasn't about to waste it talking. We had done enough of that over the past few weeks. I needed him physically, more now than I'd ever had before. I had dawdled through the days of his muteness, and survived his nights off moonlighting, but in this moment I had to have him. I wanted to feel him filling me as he once did, and by the twitch of his arousal against my inner thigh, I could tell that he wanted me too.

"Wait," he said, as he gripped my wrists and pinned them to my sides. "Slow down, Lee-lee. Believe me, I want this just as much as you do."

"Well, why don't you…" I began, snatching free of his hold on my wrist, and scooting to the back of the couch.

"Okay-" he interrupted, placing his index finger over my lips and groaning as I took it flirtatiously into my mouth "-we'll try, but _I'm_ setting the pace."

While every nerve ending was anticipating his caress, I was rendered speechless by the dominance in his voice. His fingertips traced a searing line around the waistband of my flannel pants before he tugged on the hem of my tank top and skillfully pulled it over my head. I was naked from the waist up and completely confident, as my peaks hardened, under the scrutiny of his gaze. His eyes were captivating; besides the obvious unyielding adoration he held for me, there was something else there – _someone_ else behind those lust laden eyes.

I squirmed as he lowered his head and placed a soft kiss just above my navel, and the simple act sent a tingling sensation directly to my core. He continued a trail of opened-mouthed kisses up the thin line of my abdomen until he reached the shallow crease between my breasts. He buried his head there, and I was taken aback when he inhaled deeply. He had never done that before.

"You smell so good, Lee-lee," he whispered against my skin, his breath hot and heavy. _Good thing I showered early this morning_, I thought as I laced my fingers into his black locks. He grabbed my wrists once more, placing them at my side. With a piercing gape, his tongue made a moistened path up the side of one mound, and encased my hardened peak in his mouth. I yelped in excitement as his hot mouth gently suckled my delicate nipple. He moved effortlessly between my breasts, tracing lazy circles around my areolas, before taking them into his mouth. I writhed pleasurably beneath his ministrations as my core throbbed beckoning the very essence of his manhood to take its place within me.

No longer able to contain myself, I took his face in my hands, kissing and nipping along his jaw line and down his neck.

"I love you, Sam," I declared, intermittently between kisses. "Oh, God, I love you so much." I meant it. He was my first love and would definitely be my only lover. I was confident that no one in this world could possibly make me feel as elated as he did in that moment.

"I love you too, Leah," he said and pulled my pants and panties down over my hips in one quick swoop. My breath hitched in my chest as he stood to remove his own shorts, revealing the part of his anatomy for which my body craved. A sense of unease washed over me as I realized that his concern for hurting me was warranted, given that he was noticeably larger than he had been the last time that we were intimate

"Oh, please, Sam," I begged, burying my lips into the soft hair just above his ear. My heart pounded, loudly, in my chest, as I kissed his temple. "Please, now, please."

He made love to me reverently and the thought of me being able to bring him cantillating toward his own climax, sent me spiraling into the most toe-curling orgasmic oblivion I had ever experienced. I locked my fingers into his hair, tugging lightly, as my orgasm ripped through my body, causing my inner walls to contract around his length. My body convulsed and quickened as he continued his thrust until I felt his cock twitch within me, filling me with his seed and I held on to him for dear life. I didn't want it end. I didn't want him to suddenly become that lifeless mute that he had been before.

"I love you, Sam," I whispered lovingly into his ear as I rode out the intensity of my orgasm.

"I love you too, Lee-lee," he replied as beads of sweat, salty-sweet, rolled down his face. He held me there for several minutes, his chest pressed against mine, as our hearts beat as one.

"There's nothing like a man that doesn't mind putting in some hard work," I joked, breaking the silence, and wiped the perspiration from his face.

He snorted and placed his forehead on my chin. _Oh, God, please don't clam-up on me again_, I thought and stuttered the next thoughts that entered my mind. "Don't leave me, Sam," I petitioned, searching for any assurance that this wasn't the last time that we'd be so…_connected_. "Promise me that you won't creep back into that zombie of a shell that you were in weeks ago. Really, Sam, I don't think that I can take much more of that. That person wasn't you - not that energetic boy that I met at the lunch tables four years ago - and certainly not the man that I love now and want to spend the rest of my life with."

"You do?" he questioned, placing his head back on my chest. "You would still marry me, if I asked you to?"

"Of course, I would. I'm here for the long haul, stupid," I answered and tousled his hair. "Do you really think that I would waste four beautiful years of my life on someone that I wouldn't consider marrying? C'mon. How simple can you be?"

"Mrs. Uley," he said as the most tranquil smile embellished his handsome, post-sex features. "Mrs. Sam Uley. I think I like the sound of that."

"Um, yeah…about that. I was actually thinking about hyphenating my last name. Sorry," I said, as I reached over to grab my tank top and put it on. "Are you sure your daddy wasn't a cowboy, or something? I mean…Uley sounds like a cowboy's name. I'm thinking that that's probably the reason he left in the first place. The elders was probably gonna beat his ass," I continued, jokingly.

"Ha. Ha. Ha. Very funny, Mrs. Uley," he countered, jumping to his feet with me in tow, and headed towards my bedroom. "And the shirt needs to go. I don't remember saying that I was done with those," he continued, playfully nipping at my breasts.

"Hm, strong and agile," I said, squeezing his newly defined biceps. "Life is definitely looking up for us."

"Is it now?" he chuckled, as he carried me into the bedroom, slamming the door shut with his foot.

"I do believe it is. Oh, and by the way, that's Mrs. _Leah_ _Clearwater_-Uley to you, and don't forget it."

We'd made love several times that morning and I was glad to see that my Sam was slowly, but surely, returning to his semi-normal self. We eventually freshened up and laid in my bed talking about marriage and college. Sam urged me to contact WSU to see if it was too late for me to enroll. He stated that he felt guilty that I didn't leave on account of him; even if I had left, my grades wouldn't have been worth shit with my thoughts constantly on him and wondering if he was dead or alive.

We'd discussed having children someday, and where we'd live. We even talked about our potlatch, and how we'd want it to be. Of course, he wanted something short and simple, nothing quite as festive and elaborate as I had pictured it. It was, however, to be expected since I'd be marrying my best-friend and I wanted the world to know how much in love we were. I wanted a whole weekend extravaganza. A bonfire blow out – with family and friends - on that Friday, with the traditional tribal mating dance. Sam adamantly refused, stating that he wouldn't be caught dead in a leaf thong and his face covered in mud.

_Whimp_.

Still, I'd envisioned a feast of gigantic proportions served to the members of our neighboring tribes, culminating with a quaint ceremony lead by the elders as we pledged our love for one another. I sighed with contentment as I lay with my back against his chest, wrapped securely in his fiery embrace. "You're hot as hell, Sam," I said as I wiped tiny beads of sweat from my own forehead.

"Why, thank you for the compliment," he smugly stated, just as there was a resounding knock at the front door.

I jumped from the bed and grabbed a pair of sweats from my drawer. "No, really, Sam. I wanna go to the doctor with you the next time that you go," I informed him, and I made my way to the front door. _Damn, _I thought as I looked out the window. It was Emily. It had completely slipped my mind that she had offered to spend the weekend with me to help take my mind off how estranged Sam had been acting lately.

"Hey, Em," I greeted as I opened the door. "I'm sorry. I totally forgot that you were coming this weekend."

"It's okay," she replied as she walked into the house and gave me a hug. "Ew, Leah. You're all sweaty. Did I interrupt your little workout?" she asked, and I followed her gaze to my discarded pants and panties strewn across the living room floor. I hurried to pick them up, and balled them tightly in my hands.

"Um, yeah…something like that," I chuckled. "Sam and I…well…"

"I could come back if you need me too," she interrupted and walked toward the front door.

"No, Emily. Wait, it's cool," I said as I grabbed her hand. "Sam! It's Emily. She came to hang out with us this weekend."

"Alright," he yelled from the room. "I'll be out in a minute."

"So, how is he now?" Emily whispered with concern. "Is he acting normal again?"

"Well, not really. He's still super secretive all the time, but we're finally back _together, _if you know what I mean," I explained and wiggled my hips suggestively.

"Yeah, yeah. I gotcha," Emily laughed and swatted at me, playfully. "No details, please. I have a soft stomach." We both laughed, unbidden.

"What's so funny out here, you two?" Sam questioned as he walked into the living room and crossed his arms over his broad chest.

"Your girlfriend here…" Emily began, pushing me toward Sam, "…is about to make me lose my breakfast."

"Don't believe her, babe," I chimed in, wrapping my arms around his waist, and looked back at Emily. "I bet that she didn't even eat breakfast. I'm gonna have to find her a shirt that says 'Drama Queen.'"

His body suddenly stiffened beneath my touch, and his gaze was fixated on Emily across the room. I was suddenly assailed by a gut wrenching fear that something had just went desperately wrong. I needed him to speak. "Sam? Sam?" I called, trying to pull his arms from his chest. "Sam? Come on, baby, please!" I yelled afraid that he had slipped back into that God-forsaken trance.

"No, Sam! Speak to me damn it!" I cried and socked his chest with as much force as I could muster.

"Leah, what's happening? Did I say something wrong?" Emily inquired, frantically, but he never broke his gaze, as if some invisible force held him hostage.

"I don't know, Em," I said and shook my head. "Please, just help me get him to the couch." I gripped his forearm and watched his face for any sign that he would snap out of it. His eyes glazed over and followed Emily as she went to grab his other forearm. He trembled slightly at her touch and broke free of our hold.

"No, don't touch me," he said and placed the palms of his hands over his eyes. "I'm fine. I've got to go, Lee-lee. I just…I just need to get out of here," he said and walked toward the front door.

"But, babe…" my voice trailed as I grabbed his hand, attempting to stop him from leaving the house.

"I'm sorry, Lee-lee," he said, solemnly, looking over my shoulder. "I'm really sorry," he apologized and left the house.

"I don't understand, Leah," Emily said as she gripped my shoulders from behind. "Maybe he wanted to be alone with you and is upset that I barged in."

My eyes were fixed on the door. We had just had the most amazing morning of my life_. What could have possibly caused him to shut down so quickly?_ "No, Emily," I countered, biting back the flood of tears that fought to consume me. "That's not it. This…what he did…it's different."

The weekend passed swiftly without a word from Sam. Emily had returned home, and when I contacted Ms. Uley, she claimed that Sam hadn't been home since Friday. My emotions were spent, and I was nearly as numb as I had been the first time he had returned home. The emotional rollercoaster he had me on was exhausting to say the least. I'd decided to spend the rest of Sunday evening on Hidden Beach, alone. It was my place of comfort and serenity, and acted as sutures for my tattered mind. The sky, which had a lavender hue with subtle streaks of fuchsia, was a tranquil backdrop to the setting sun. I picked up several smooth stones and tossed them across the ocean's surface as I analyzed the interactions between Sam and me on Friday. _Maybe I pushed him into having sex with me too soon. Or maybe the thoughts of marriage and children frightened him a bit._

"Hey, Lee-lee," Sam's voice echoed from behind, catching me by surprise. "I figured that you would be here."

"What, Sam?" I questioned and threw another pebble into the water. Although I loved him and wanted things to work, I was furious at how elusive he had become.

"I need to…talk to you," he said as he stepped up next to me, staring off into the expanse.

"So, _now_, he wants to open up and talk," I said, sarcastically. "What do you want to talk about, Sam? What? About all the things that you swore you were unable to tell me? Is that what you finally want to share with me? " I continued and turned to face him.

"Please, Leah," he begged. "This hasn't been a walk in the park for me. If you only knew how much this is killing me."

"Killing you?" I interrupted, suddenly outraged. "Whoa, _this_ – what's been going on the last several weeks – is killing _you_? What about me, Sam? I nearly lost my fucking mind when you came up missing, not to mention the damn scholarship that I forfeited by staying here to look for you. Then you show up acting as if I were invisible. Every day! I was there every day for you, and you don't even have the decency to fucking tell me what was going on with you."

"I'm really sorry, Leah," he sighed. "If things could just be…I wish that I could have…damn it!" he sputtered.

"Yeah, you wish you could tell me. You've said that already," I interrupted. "I'm tired of trying to figure things out on my own. It's like I'm the only one in this relationship now. You keep repeating the same, damn, thing over and over again without telling me what, the hell, is going on, Sam?"

"It's complicated, Lee," he said, gripping fists full of his hair. "It's so damn complicated! I...I, um…" his voice trailed off as he began to kick chunks of sand into the air.

"Damn it, Sam!" I exclaimed. "Just fucking tell me what's going on! I can help! Let me help you!"

"But that's the problem," he replied and his arms fell limp at his sides. "It's too late. What's done is done and it can't be reversed."

"You know, Sam…forget it," I snorted and turned to walk off. "You can keep your little secrets. I'm done, but feel free to find me when you're _really_ ready to talk."

"Leah! C'mon, Leah, please," he pleaded and grabbed my hand. "FUCK! Leah. This is so hard for me to say, but…" his voice trailed once more.

"But what Sam?" I inquired as he tried desperately not to make eye contact with me.

"It's Emily."

"What about her?" I asked.

"I'm in love with her."

"You know what? I'm not in the mood for your fucking jokes, Sam. I'm going home."

"No, Lee-lee," he whimpered. "It's true. I don't…I can't explain it, but…" he cried and I saw his shame seep into his eyes as he fought not to look at me.

"Wait. You're fucking serious, aren't you?" I asked and was immediately infuriated. "How? When? You slept with me on Friday, now – not even a good three days later, you're trying to tell me that you're in love with my cousin?"

I felt as though I had walked - face first - into a brick wall. Tears fell, inevitably, down my face as my heart plummeted to the soles of my feet at the realization that he'd just declared that he no longer loved me.

"I'm sorry, Lee-lee," he said, taking my hands in his.

"Don't you touch me, Sam Uley," I whispered. My thoughts flitted back to the day we'd had sex, the look in his eye when he touched me was undeniably love. "You said…that you loved me. For four years, you've said how much you loved me."

"I do love you, baby," he countered, reaching for my hand.

"Don't you dare call me baby," I seethed with disdain, blinded by my own tears. "Why? Then why all the talk about marriage? About having children? About growing old together? Now, you're saying that all of that was just a lie, Sam? Bold-faced lies?"

"That was real, Leah. All of that was real, until…please, just believe me," he pleaded, and wrapped me tightly in his arms.

"Get your fucking hands off of me, Sam!" I yelled, trying fiercely to break his hold on me. "This sick twisted game that you've played on me is wrong on so many levels. I said let me go, damn it! You're a fucking liar! Let me go!" I bellowed, stomping down as hard as I could on his foot and fell to the ground as he released me.

"Just go! Leave me alone!" I yelled repeatedly until my eyesight was nothing but a black haze.

***

"Leah?" a faint voice called and shook me forcefully.

"Just leave me alone! Just get out of here!" I continued, swatting at the hazy figure kneeling beside me. "No! Don't you fucking touch me, Sam!"

"Leah, honey, wake up," the person commanded as they wrapped their arms around me. "You're dreaming, honey. It's just a dream."

As my eyelids darted open, taking in the glimmers of light that filtered into my room from the hallway. I suddenly realized that it was my mother that held me firmly against to her chest; rocking me. My body was wrought with tremors so powerful that I feared for her immediate safety. I couldn't phase in her arms.

"You have to move, Mom!" I pleaded with her, still groggy from my nightmare, as I tried to bring my tremors under subjection.

"No, I'm staying right here, Leah! You'll be fine," she continued, rocking me, and grabbed something from my nightstand to wipe my face. "You're okay, honey. You're going to be just fine," she concluded and took a deep breath, burying her cheek into my sweat-drenched hair.

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**End Notes**: Whew, sorry for the extremely LONG wait with this chapter. Mid-terms and term papers took up a majority of my writing time. A sincere thanks goes out to all my awesome readers and faithful reviewers: ari1190, cinroc, bvc17, Evil-Angel, noamg, Dreac, miliejolie, and all my supportive DHGs. You all make this endeavor so much fun for me. I would also like to thank all who voted for **Defying Destiny** in the Sparkle Awards. We came in third place for the Imprint Award, which was accomplishment in itself. Last, but definitely not least a shot-out to my kickass beta and friend, Lisa. Your skills are far beyond awesome!

Please don't forget to leave your constructive comments and/or criticisms. I would love to hear what you think! It will only aide in me becoming a better writer. Come on, lay it on me; the good, the bad, and the ugly! :O)


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